coachlum2

Life as a single

2011-08-26T10:45:00.002+08:00

If you are not content with being single then you will be content.

If you are content being single, do you need another person?

This is a chicken and egg problem. How do you solve this? Rest in the Lord's providence and be content with current state regardless.

Destiny & Purpose

2010-02-07T18:57:00.002+08:00

Destiny and Purpose is determined by personal desire. Desire is not a bad thing. Desire to do good is often what drives pple to achieve great thing.

I asked myself what was my desire. It was always to be do something noble. To die and leave a legacy. How then? Then I knew why I chose to teach. It was to touch and change lives. If you ask me why now, I remembered why I started in the 1st place. It may sound all cliche and stuff but it is genuine.

In recent times, I sense it even more. My volleyballers asking me to stay in volleyball CCA and not to go (hinted I might leave). My form class growing up more than ever. Not that they have become super guai and all. I can see improvements in everyone in their attitude towards studies. Even Lydia Hoon scored full marks in her test while she has been failing math all these while. It may be only 1 topic but I was so proud of her. Like a 'father'!

Jason means healer. I need to a vessel of God to bring to them hope and purpose! Heal their hearts to believe! Gtg dinner. Ciao.

We have to do what we hate at times (like studying)

2009-09-22T14:13:00.001+08:00

I remembered when I was in University Final Year. I can almost die.
I played like most University Undergrads. I played my hearts out in my year 1 and as a result, I flunked 8 out of 16 modules. Half of my year one's modules.

I was upset and disappointed in myself and thought I shouldn't deserve this. However, I tried to take these extra modules as I went along my 2nd and 3rd year. No matter how hard I tried, I flunked some modules along the way. I was never able to clear one semester or year without failing a module.

Then came my final year, I had 8 modules. I had my final year project as well (which took up all my time at the lab, writing the 50 - 80 pages of report and so on). I had no time to study and I was left with 2 weeks before the examinations to study. What made things worse was that I had 11 days for all 8 papers. Packed back to back examination timetable.

I slept 2-3 hours daily and struggled. As soon as I finished one paper, I went back to the hostel to rest about an hour or so and I was back on the books / notes. Daily, it was a torture. I felt like a zombie. I didn't give up because I wanted to clear my University Years in the 4 years.
Did I feel like giving up ever? I did. I was living on just sheer will-power. Do I know what it feels to fail? I do. It sucked. I have not passed a single semester till this point clearing all my modules. It looked bad. Did I lose faith and hope? I did. During my last 2 papers, one in the morning and one at night, I felt like giving up because my mind was so so so tired. I felt like stopping and just sleeping. I was extremely tired (this was the 11th day of living as a zombie).

I forced myself to study and did the best I could. I could not even finish 10 tutorial revision. I did up till 5 and my brain just stopped functioning. I had to memorise another set of notes for the afternoon paper. My mind just could not understand the 6th tutorial of the earlier paper. All I did was stare and stare but my mind didnt work as I was extremely exhausted.
I felt like crying and I felt like this is hopeless. However, all I knew was God told me to trust Him. I was prepared that even if I fail then so be it but I was going to give it my best shot. I wanted to try and live without the regret that I should have.

This is my plea to all of you out there who thinks life and examinations are difficult. Do not blame the circumstances or the situations. We can make it happen. We need to hang in there.

Quotes

2009-07-25T12:58:00.000+08:00

Life's Lows mere Trifle Blows. Season of Wait & Reason not to Date. Strength in Character stems from Length of His words in my life's Chapters!

My stability & security shaken but is secured in Saviour's sovereignty & sufficiency!

Single and Thinking

2009-07-12T18:34:00.000+08:00

Have had encounters with females and nice ones but God said no! It tore my heart up in pieces. Everything seemed so right. The mood, the timing, the personality, the proximity, the appeal... All I know is God said no!

The crux of the matter is this. Who do I wish to please? There can be many factors and people who feels that I should do this - get attached. However, there is only one that I need to please and that's God. I am not saying this is at a point of strength or victory but at a point of weakness.

Today, my pastor preached on a sermon about drawing the line. How should christians be living... Is it about obeying a set of rules, laws and standard operating procedures (SOP)? He said no because it will become legalistic. He offered 3 principles based on Daniel 3:16-18, which I will share below.

1. Pleasing God and not men
2. Personal Knowledge of God's greatness and goodness
3. Paying the price of obedience

1. Pleasing God meant that there is only one choice. When God says do not touch, I do not touch and not hover around that thing. I am not touching but I am enjoying the thing without truly touching it nor sinning. It is almost close to playing with fire but not playing. Thus, it is better to not touch at all.

2. Knowing God is able and that he wants to bless me is important as I know now He is witholding me from getting attached because He has a perfect one for me in due time. Thus, I am not to settle for the 2nd best.

3. Thirdly and finally, I need to know He is sovereign and that I need to die to self. Live with an attitude to say, "It is all in His hands". Only then can I find true peace and comfort. The more I try to hold on, the more God cannot give.

Thus, my journey has been going on for 12 years since 18. What I mean to say is that I have been single for this long and still waiting. I know there are many concerned people who are trying to get me attached and sometimes, a bit too overwhelmingly so. I will trust God for His time and His purpose for me. I have my criteria and I also know He would not force me to accept someone that I know I cannot live with (this is to Mr Bibi). Hahaha....

I will have to continually trust in His providence and know that the only thing I need to do now is to please Him and not man. Girl (whoever she may be), u just have to wait a bit longer.

Self Righteous and Judgemental Spirit

2009-04-18T00:28:00.002+08:00

Judge not lest u be judged. Let's stop all these bickering with Andy nor judge him. Let him air his views. Yes, I am irritated and am thinking of even taking down the tag box but the more you feed him, the more he feels he needs to defend.

Just leave it and let him be. I cannot stop how he thinks of me. I know I have my struggles and may not live life as it should be at times. LET GOD DEAL with me. What is my journey? At most when I go to heaven, Jesus says I do not know you. Away from me, you evildoer. Then that's my problem. There is no need for any defending nor fighting.

It is all senseless. Meaningless fighting... At most he is right and I burn in hell. My soul is not his nor anyone's except to God. Thus, I do not need to explain to him but to Him. Maybe I have offended him or cause him to have an impression then I do not know.

Maybe because I am able to talk to youths and likes to disturb others that he thinks I am some flirt. I admit I like to disturb my pupils but do note, I do disturb both boys and girls! In different manner of course. This, I am sure my form class pupils will agree.

I scold them and care for them. I also make fun of my boys and suan them till they cannot take it. For girls, I like to tease them but come on la... They are like my little girls.

I seriously don't understand and do not wish to waste my time to understand on something so meaningless. I admit I do have my struggles to work through but who does not have. I have learnt from many bad previous experiences not to thread those paths again.

Well, judge me for all I care. I cannot be bothered anyway to be upset by such a senseless attack. Terrorsim at its best! I admit I was at first very bothered but now, I am getting less and less affected because he just wishes to come on stronger each time I write something. So I am expecting another childish outburst soon enough. But oh well, just take it as it comes. I will not worry about tomorrow as there are more than enough burdens already today!

But the fact is HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW ME WELL AND HE IS JUDGING ME! That's so hilarious if you look at it in another perspective! I am now having a dig at him and showing my immaturity so judge me!

He is showing himself to be immatured, judgemental, childish and biased! While people who know me are trying to help defend me. He can do that and call me immatured and childish. So funny when you look at it from someone who is showing his own immaturity!

This is getting nowhere with the constant bickering. This is seriously getting out of hand. Maybe I shall just close the blog? Nah... Not when it might become the most famous blog for provoking thoughts!

Just thought of having a go at it and see what replies there might be once again! Haha... FUN & FURIOUS!

Lost Generation by Jonathan Reed

2009-03-22T18:02:00.003+08:00

Lost Generation by Jonathan Reed

I am part of a lost generation
and I refuse to believe that
I can change the world
I realize this may be a shock but
“Happiness comes from within.”
is a lie, and
“Money will make me happy.”
So in 30 years I will tell my children
they are not the most important thing in my life
My employer will know that I have my priorities straight
because work is more important than family
I tell you this Once upon a time
Families stayed together
but this will not be true in my era
This is a quick fix society
Experts tell me
30 years from now, I will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce
I do not concede that
I will live in a country of my own making
In the future
Environmental destruction will be the norm
No longer can it be said that
My peers and I care about this earth
It will be evident that
My generation is apathetic and lethargic
It is foolish to presume that
There is hope.
And all of this will come true unless we choose to reverse it .

To understand the true meaning of this (go to this link):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=42E2fAWM6rA&feature=related

Response to being a christian 2

2009-03-22T17:42:00.003+08:00

I asked Andy in my tag box if he would burn in hell. I asked him if he is sure of things. Seriously, I do not even know if I might be burning in hell or be asked to enter heaven's gate when the final time comes.

Lambs will be seperated from sheeps. Jesus might say He has never known you / me even though we go around professing He is Lord and God and do miracles in His name.

What makes us eventually being able to go to heaven? To obey His voice and have a relationship with God. Simple truth but to recieve revelation how to walk this journey is not easy. Also, some may fall away from Him because we rationalise, we think we know best, we choose to gratify ourselves...

Am I sure I would even last all the way? I am not sure. I am trying to be as faithful as I can and be accountable for my life. I have had moments of folly and sin (which I cannot mention here since this is a public blog). I am just praying that I can last the distance. Not that I am good but I want to and I want to try to make it. Can I make it? I wouldn't know. I hope and pray I can. Many might want me to fall but that's them. It's a journey between me and God. At most, people like my leader and cell should know.

Response to being a christian

2009-03-22T17:31:00.002+08:00

I have come to realise we are so often to judge others and complain when people do not meet our expectations. Does it mean we are better? Does it mean we should condemn? Does it mean we should say things that are negative? No! On the countary, we should pray for them and ask God to show us how He views them through His eyes.

I know I am not perfect. I know I can fall into a condeming mood sometimes when my emotions are strained. I know I have sometimes shown ways that are very unchristian-like. I know I have so many faults and do fall into temptations. Does it make me any lesser? Do I need to prove to anyone? God knows me best and His words will bring assurance. People will judge, people will say things about me but I guess it does help me see and learn that I need to work on certain areas.

Have I thought if dying for God? I have done that years ago and my response will still be the same. I am sure if I were to die, it is easy. However, to be tortured before I die, I am not sure if I have the strength to endure. All I have been praying all these years is that if I were to ever be tested to that point, God help prepare me.

Some Things

2009-03-09T22:09:00.002+08:00

When one is younger, the guy or girl will shun the person he/she likes out of embarrassment but when one is OLDer... It means a totally different thing. It means the person is not interested and not keen. If someone says that I like her when I have been ignoring her then I will only say she is in delusion or the EQ level is not high enough.

What I look for in a girl is maturity in thoughts and emotions. Not need high EQ but moderate EQ at least. I look for a connection in communication so if I DO NOT even bother to communicate, it will mean I do not want to take it to the next stage. No offence to anyone. I have been treated by some girls in such a manner so I get the point.

Just that point in my life when I am thinking about life partner and certain such thoughts. I have not been actively searching. Even when I have made friends, I am not even sure I would fall in love with any despite the fact that they are nice girls. When I feel 'crush' for some girls, it dies away all too quickly...

I realise sometimes the guy falls in 'love' with girls who are aching and in pain. The guy comes in to comfort her and the connectivity is built. However, is it because the guy will feel important and that she needs him then he feels this way? Or is it really that he cares for her? Or is it for sympathy? Then waiting in patience for her to be ready, can he truly wait? What if she is well enough or when she is not and someone else comes along to take her away? Would all the waiting be in vain? What is one's response and what should it be?

Many questions but there may not be a perfect answer nor any answer at all. Each case may be different. Each case may apply a different set of 'rules'. I guess it all boils down to choices. Even if the guy waits for the girl and eventually she runs off with another guy. Then so be it. It has to be this case and it is just a journey for the guy though I am sure he will be sad if she meant something to him. Life's journey is abstract and different for different people. Each one's journey must be walked by oneself with the leading of God.

LOVE

2009-03-08T01:25:00.002+08:00

问世间情为何物

That was a question I started asking myself since primary school. Weird as it may seem but it was a question that stemmed from many things that surfaced. I had my 1st crush in P2. She had looks and was smart. Liked her till P5 when I was streamed into another class. Then liked another girl, who had looks but not that smart. She was just tall! I was just compelled by looks. In P6, I was also aware of the 1st gal that liked me. She wasnt that bad looking but I did not like her. Those girls I liked didnt like me. What is love then?

Even as I grew up, I was slapped by my mum, punished by my mum... Scolded at times unreasonably by dad. Caned by mum. Slapped in face by mum. I questioned myself once more what is love?

When I had my 1st few relationships in sec sch and JC, I was hurt and devasted by some of the girls I was together with. Due to certain circumstances, we broke up. Sometimes, I felt used, rejected and hurt. What then is love? Is it just a fleeting feeling?

Then I knew God in P3. I was taught of God's love, which is the purest form of love. Then I formulated my own formula after hearing various preachers and their sermons.

Love is not just a fleeting feeling that makes the heart flutter. LOVE IS COMMITMENT! It is to commit and decide to love despite certain circumstances and situations that may arise. It is not just that fluttery feeling. Love is spelled TIME (quality time for girls; they don't need you to say much at times, just be there). Love is the opposite of LUST. Love is in its purest form in the AGAPE: self sscrificial love. It serves to give and fulfill the one you love but lust takes and seeks to gratify oneself.

The love we seek in life cannot be easily found and given until we are filled with the love of God. Else, the love we give can be limited or swing towards lust. Lust can be very subtle and it will destroy any relationships. Love is indeed patient, kind and long suffering...

Even now, I am still searching and continually finding out what love is as I live it out rather than know it in theory. To my parents, friends, class, cca pupils.... NO GF YET! NO GF YET! STOP BUGGING ME, PPLE! Hahaha.... BIG DISCLAIMER!

Blog will be alive la - Some long awaited thoughts

2009-02-22T20:15:00.002+08:00

Dear all,

Sorry to have neglected all my readers. Been super busy and have been thinking a lot but just not penning it down in my blog:

Heart Matters:
My class drains my heart but I know I need to carry on speaking in love to them. I do not want to be harsh and speak harsh words in frustration. I need to be patient. God says love is patient so I need to really love them in patience. However, this does not mean I will allow the bending of rules to occur.

I have been thinking what it means to get attached. Am I really ready? Is it just having someone to shower me attention? Am I in the mood for it? Am I secure enough to know what I want and not just hope for someone to care for me? I need to look through and examine my heart. People who are worried or keep asking me about such things, don't fret. I will need to walk through this journey of seeking my own heart and in the mean time of waiting for the ONE.

Certain Issues in Volleyball:
My volleyball teams are progressing well in the Zones but I am really wondering how far would they go in the Nationals. Not that I doubt their abilities, I sometimes doubt their desire. Trainings will be harsh but they need to endure the hardship and quit whinning and complaining. I guess it's the same with many youths these days. We rationalise and say that this should not be the case and we claim our rights etc. Then we will never improve or improve as much because we do not come in a position of humility to learn but we think we know a lot. I guess it translates to my form class as well.

We will all go far if we put aside our own rights, if we humble ourselves to wish to learn. There is so much room for improvements, so much room for growth. Just like what I said to one pupil:
LIFE THROWS SH** at you but you can choose a few response:

Smile and just accept it
Grumble, complain, resist
Take the sh** and turn it into fertilizer

My point is this. We all choose who we become. Determination to make the 'hard' choice will make us grow the most. That is the key to resilience. However, I am not saying that we should ignore our emotions altogether. We need to sort our emotions but we also need to move on.

Teachers' Day Celebrations

2008-08-30T01:49:00.003+08:00

It was a quite a day. Abundant food, abundant love, abundant tears...

It all started with breakfast at the sky bridge by the Partners in Education (PIE), who prepared a magnificent spread of food. Afterwhich was the concert, whereby there were various performances. The one that Zest performed had special meaning to me as he dedicated it to me too. After the concert, I went back to the staff room, whereby letters and gifts were passed to me. I kept them in my car and went off for the buffet lunch at Marina Square.

Then the teachers went over to Pariss for buffet lunch. Ate to my fill again and proceeded to Comex. Met Eddie and Zest to proceed to Bugis for shopping and dinner. Dinner was great and Sophia, Ryan and Thommy joined us.

Then Thommy went off to work and Zest went home. Eddie, Ryan, Sophia and I went to catch a movie. It was Mad about English. Funny and educational.

Came home and looked at my gifts.

It made the whole year worthwhile sometimes when I look at the gifts that I recieve. Not that it's the gift but it just shows the appreciation of the pupils. I love all of them and sometimes wish they can grow up faster and be good. It is so trying and testing to teach them sometimes but I know that they are still growing. However, I cannot deny the fact I feel frustration and agitation.

The words they used in the cards really made me feel so appreciated and thankful I have such lovely students. Though they may sometimes drive me up the wall, I can safely say, it's worth it!

I feel like a father in this situation, whereby no matter how much wrong has been done, if they are fully repentent and wishes to seek your 'forgiveness', there is no way that they cannot melt my heart. My heart just melts and really love them!

A word of thanks & not a world of gifts... A life of giving & a vision of lives changing... Pain in teaching, joy in sustaining...

C Girls 3rd in Nationals

2008-07-20T00:39:00.002+08:00

My C Girls may have lost the semis and some of them were upset, still are upset.....

I just wish to say this. In life, we do not win all the time. It was just unfortunate we lost. However, we must also thank God we won many games and got so far.

I am proud of the team for going so far. I remembered I told YG that we would not make it far given the way you all were playing during the South Zone Finals. YG agreed with me. C Boys, we knew that at most, we could have squeezed into the Top 8 but we lost narrowly so I did not blame you all except that you guys gave up too meekly and did not fulfuil your potential.

Thus, C Girls, your progress has been phenomenal and your work rate, 1st class (after several persuasion sessions from various parties). We are all proud of you! Do not give up nor stop believing. I am proud of you all! Every single one of you...!

It does not matter which Division of Volleyballers I have. The key to success is to believe and work towards it. The thing that has been sorely lacking in FMSS Volleyball or Fairsians in particular is that spirit of resilience, a spirit that will rise against adversities and never stop fighting/believing despite the odds.

When there is a will, there is a way! Adidas: Impossible is Nothing!

Magic Box

2008-07-20T00:27:00.002+08:00

Went to support Mr Lawrence Khong's production of Magic Box after a mad day at work. Taught in morning, counted money to settle all my accounts for Funfair, WHEEL, NYAA, Bangkok Trip, Photos... Madness... $$$ everywhere. All not mine though.

Magic Box was good. Tell my Father, Mother, Brother, Uncles, Aunties... The Company was better. Just that we had to all rush off after the show. It was already 1045pm. It was a great day overall.

Mixture

2008-07-15T22:49:00.002+08:00

What is a mixture? A mixture is not a compound, not an element...

I have a mixture. It is not pure. It is not a compound. Sadness, heartache, pain, missing people, joy, happiness....

I understand how some pple are feeling the same way. We can't stop how we feel but we can only process what we feel and try to move on. Certain things cannot be changed. There might be regret and pain but we need to move on eventually.

Crying is ok because it helps to release certain emotions but we cannot allow it to trap us to be EMO. The pple who I am referring to when they read this would know who they are. Please revert back to your happy selves. Joke and laugh and be happy.

I know I cannot do much except be here to say I am in support of you all. I am sure you all are in support of one another. Be strong! Look back to learn. The pain is still fresh but grow from it...!

Volleyball C Girls in Semifinals (National) Sparks Thoughts

2008-07-13T21:44:00.002+08:00

It has been about 2 years since any of my volleyball teams have gotten into the National Semifinals in my 3 years reign. I just feel that the girls deserve to be where they are because I have seen the transformation in the way they play and in the way they react to stress and pressure on court. These group of girls will go far if they can keep this spirit of unity and belief.

The C Boys for next year would need to learn about this from the girls. They have to adopt the right attitude in training and in match. The next batch of C Boys will be great if they can strive to do their best and commit their time to the team.

I love all of them and really hope to see them grow for themselves. I may not be able to show my care in certain ways nor am I sure if they feel it. All I hope is that they will see why are the coaches and teachers pushing them so hard to attain what we know they can. It is not for our glory nor for the school. It is more of achieving for themselves what they can do.

I have personally lost games which I felt we should not have lost. There were regrets and we lived with those regrets. There were games we lost but we knew we did our best so we had no regrets. Thus, I just wish for my players to play to their fullest potential and not live with regrets. Whether they appreciate me in the end, it does not really matter. If they do, it would be a bonus. When a pupil told me he/she knew that I care and appreciate me for it, I was elated. I am happy that they appreciate. I seek not the accolades nor the gifts. All I want to know is I made a difference in some of their lives.

All I want is to know that their lives have been impacted and that they know where they are heading in life.

Idealist? Maybe... It is also this that has caused many teachers to quit the service because they feel unappreciated and have many of these ideals not fulfilled. As for me, I will keep reminding myself teaching is for the greater good of each pupil and it may never be seen during their secondary school life. I pray that I would not lose sight of this too...

Pupils, jiayou in whatever you need to do! Keep believing...!

FEW MAD PHOTOS

2008-07-12T23:11:00.003+08:00

Drunk Alone (on sparking juice?)

Lucky Me with many babes!

Help! Iron is falling!

Magic Tongue out of Glass

C Girls Won Jurong Secondary School

2008-07-08T23:13:00.003+08:00

C Girls got off the quarter-finals to a winning start!

They won against Jurong Secondary School. They were so fearful of their opponents due to their reputation. It can be seen in the 1st set, through the way they played. We lost 25-23. It was close but we made too many mistakes to really capitalise on the scores.

Subsequently, in the second set, they played poorly in the beginning before they finally pulled themselves together to chase up the points. There was a moment that we led 24-21 and they drew to 24-24. I almost felt that we might have lost the game. Deep in my heart, I told myself to believe. If there is no faith, then how do I expect the girls to have faith? I just asked God to help and also help me overcome my doubts. It was a narrow win, 26-24.

In the end, during the 3rd set, we led all the way and never looked back. We won it convincingly 25-8. I just wish to reiterate my point to my C Girls. Keep believing, keep fighting, keep laying aside your fears, enjoy the game and play to your best! This journey is the beginning to a chapter in their lives. Even if we were to fall and lose, we would do it playing our best. I believe if they do their best, it would be good enough for me. I am sure they can go far. No pressure, just do their best!

How does Relationship Work?

2008-07-07T22:02:00.003+08:00

I went off to think about it. Am I really searching for a girlfriend?? Am I desperate?

To think about it, I would seriously say I am not exactly in that mode. I just want to make friends with people and let nature take its course. If it happens, it happens. If it doesnt, it doesn't.

However, I feel that most girls are rather uptight and worried when a guy approaches them. They feel that if they agree to meeting the guy, it might send the wrong signals or they feel that there can be no such feelings and they close the door on the guy.

If you say that guys are not making the right moves, then girls, are you helping the cause? It takes 2 hands to clap. Not always the guy you like will come swooping in to sweep you off your feet. There may be one or two scuh cases but is it always the way to go?

I seriously like to challenge views, perceptions. Whether you agree with me or not, it's fine by me. Think about it. God is not to be boxed in.

Even for me, I am wondering if I may have to marry a 'prostitute' as in the case of one bible character. Do I have to die to self even in this aspect? I want a romance that is heavenly... I approach her and she reciprocates and we fall in love and we live happily ever after. Fairy tale? You bet! Would it be true? Unlikely cuz we are in the real world...

C Girls National Top 8

2008-07-06T21:27:00.002+08:00

My C Division Volleyball Girls are drawn with Cedars, Jurong and St Hildas. I believe we have a chance to qualify. We have the technical skills and ability. What we lack is belief and the fighting spirit. When things are fine, they do well. When situation is tough, the girls look around for a leader and there is none.

I do not mean the coach and teachers do not lead and give guidance. They can do so but only from outside. The thing that needs to be done is the players must step out and believe and encourage one another.

I remembered that during my Uni days, my volleyball team (hostel) was not that great compared to some other more hall teams but we sure had fighting spirit. I remembered that during one particular year, we were 2 sets down and we came back to win 3-2 sets. That was one amazing achievement!

What did we have? A belief and determination. A fighting spirit. When the chips were down, we rallied, shouted at one another to say encouraging things. We would like, do u wanna win? We can do it! Block his next shot. Spike and finish them off. We do get nervous too but we threw our bodies in the way to save the spikes. We patted one another on the shoulder, butts and hi5s... We also cheered when we scored. We huddled together to celebrate shots or blocks or points! All we needed was a leader who was mad enough to call for such things! The morale would be high despite us losing or nervous.

I believe in my team's ability. However, I find that FMSS pupils are vocal in many things but when it comes to matches and such competition, they shrink in fear, especially when the pressure is great. Rise up and be counted! Be a sports person who dares to make a difference. Be a fool for the team. Encourage, motivate... Even when one person doesnt fight, don't look at that person and say that since she doesn't care, why should I? If 1 doesn't contribute, I must rally that person to and do my utmost best to do my part and also cover his/her portion.

5 keen and 1 not keen is not as bad as 1 affect all other 5 to be not keen. Then there are 6 not keen members in the team. Such a team cannot be even called a team. Such a team will never win! Divide and conquer is always a good tactic in war. It's the same in competition. When there is disunity, there are cracks in its defence. Stay together and united to fight. 5 cover for 1 then still not that bad. There are times, injuries occur or that player has a lousy game. All the more the other 5 must rise to the occasion and be counted for!

Jiayou volleyball C Girls.

Parting shot to the C Boys and B Divisions, you all can also learn from this! Belief is very important to many things in life, not just volleyball. Without faith, it is impossible to please God. Without faith, it is impossible to achieve!

Views on Relationship in Church

2008-06-29T20:53:00.002+08:00

To pursue a girl in church is harder than when in the secular world. I find that in church, many girls have many inhibitions. They worry about boundaries, knowing the guy in a group setting, is he the right guy... There seems to be more than girls of the secular community.

As for the fact of going out in a group setting. Is this always feasible, especially when a guy wants to know a girl from another network. He got to know the girl from somewhere and then he wants to know her. However, when he asks her out for dates, she might worry about the signals she send him when she agrees.

As for the guy, should he back off or go on asking. Should he ask her to bring her friends? Then what about him bringing his friends? It would be akward, wouldn't it? Then how? It means guys wait and girls wait and everyone just waits for things to happen.

I do not deny in general wisdom of having guidelines but are we often being too legalistic? Are we ending up like the Pharisees? I mean, we need to live by the Spirit of God too. We need to ask God if certain things can go ahead or not & not always depend on rules and guidelines we have held fast for so long. I am not trying to rebel but I am just asking people to take another look at these things.

If you like the guy, just give him a chance. However, many girls do just shut the guy off early. The guy also maybe scared and do not know how to approach. Most guys are not suave and are kinda tongue-tied when they see a girl they like. This is especially so with church guys, who have not learnt the art of 'flirting'. Thus, they do not know how to be composed, compared to guys of the secular world. These guys know no bounds. They do not have hold to certain standards as compared to christian guys.

Thus, how to fight with these secular guys? However, guys, if u like the girl, just dare dare show some obvious hints. No need to hide and play tactical. However, I do not mean that you drop the bomb on her lap for it to explode in her face. She would not know how to react either. Play it cool la.

This is such an art and a science. It requires theory yet application. I just fin it tiresome sometimes with this situation. Maybe as Solomon put it - meaningless meaningless, all is meaningless? Sorry, just a bit ventilating... Haha... There is meaning but it's just that this journey has caused much thoughts in recent months.

Thailand Trip (8 June to 15 June)

2008-06-18T01:12:00.002+08:00

I was in anticipation for the trip as I was really anxious to spend time with my volleyball pupils. As the days went by, their manners and noise level continually made it unbearable. It made me irritable and moody, especially since I lacked sleep.

They are a lovely bunch but they need to learn when they need to keep quiet. Then there was unnecessary chatters that made it unbearable. However, I think the trip has done them good though it made me and Miss Chin very tired.

I felt that they have learnt to appreciate Singapore and our training conditions a lot better. I am sure they have also realised how we need to learn from the Thai players' attitudes of pressing on despite hardship. The Thai players never mutter complaints nor do they show displeasure when the conditions are not to their liking. Pupils can also see for themselves how they need to bond together as a team to function.

I really hope they will press on for the goals they have set out to attain. Else, when they fall short, regret would be too late. I was in teams that could never win anything but we tried our best to make life difficult for our opponents. We never went down without a fight. Our training then was so intense that most pupils would think it's mad. I used to run 2.4km or 5km before we do physical trainings. Physical trainings included sprints, jumps, crunches, push ups and so on, which lasted for 1-2 hours. By the time that we start on ball work and blocking drills, most of us would be half dead. Then when we do formation drills, most of us will cramp.

Also, when we trained, we had no coaches. The coach was our teacher who was busy with teaching the Secondary Four pupils. We had to train on our own. Some served while some recieved. If anyone made a mistake, we pumped ourselves 1o push ups for each mistake. Sometimes, we can do a thousand push ups or sit ups in one training session.

We were fit but we were not good technically. Thus, we did not win much but we were disciplined and were not an embarassment to our school. One of the reason why I push my pupils is in hope they will not regret for not trying hard enough and then realised that they could have done better. I do not see it as they fulfil an ambition of mine because at the end of the day, I do not get anything from them if they win. All the more, I might lose money because I have to treat them.

I just hope they do not let themselves down. They may think it is tough and they may think the coaches and I are mad. I just hope they can see what we see. We see their potential to perform and we do not want them to lose to themselves. If they lose to worthy opponents, then there would be no regrets. If they were to lose to themselves, they would regret and they can never turn back time. Jiayou, my beloved volleyballers!

Falling in Love is Kinda Difficult for Me @the Moment

2008-05-19T10:58:00.002+08:00

I have been thinking quite a bit recently.

In the past, relationships were easy to come by and happened thick and fast for me. As I am now of this current age, 10 years that I have been single. Not through rejection but by choice. I have had opportunities... Some christians, some non-christian girls. Some even pursued me and declared they liked me. I do not deny I am not tempted by some of their advances but the fact is that I have made some decision and set up certain rules for myself. Thus, I did not allow things to progress.

Then recently, there are many nice gals in my life but the problem is I do not feel the 'love'. The part whereby, I really miss them and wish to see them again. I do not have this intense feeling which I used to have when I was dating.

I have been asking myself. Is it because the girls are not pretty? Is it just me? Or is there something else stopping me? These are questions I have no answers as yet. I really do not know. The only way is to seek God and ask Him.

I have been out with girls for one on one 'dates'. I am exploring the options. Maybe when I know them better, I may fall for them. So many questions but so few answers.

There are so many people who are worried about me being single but I can say I am pretty content being single. The only reason why I am even considering all these questions are because I am of that age? Haha... Oh well, girls out there, you just have to wait a little longer... (not trying to sound too ego)

Certain Things That's Happening

2008-05-11T23:06:00.002+08:00

Started with Tommy Tenny Conference on Saturday. I didnt feel like going. I was moody. I didnt know why. I have been feeling slightly like that since the Secondary 2 Camp.

Maybe it was also due to many past relationships that failed but I never seem to resolve them emotionally cuz I brushed all these emotions aside. Or maybe it's about my walk with God. That I seem so painful to follow Him in the many situations I have to face.

Had a long chat with friends about the life we have to live as a christian. God is not bothered with how man percieve our success. His yardstick is totally different. Even when we fail in the eyes of man, He might deem us as success if we hear His voice and obey. The journey may sometimes be in such a way that we wish we can pack up & leave but we should not and must not! Easier said than done.

Dunno where to start. Dunno wat to say. Went to church service today. As soon as praise started, I could sense God's Presence strongly. I just cried and cried and released much emotions. If you asked me why I cried, I also cannot say for certain except for the fact that there was much pain. So much accumulated pain that I think the Lord just needed to help me do a heart surgery to release all these pent up emotions. It felt good.

For the girls, I am such a guy!

2008-05-09T22:57:00.002+08:00

When a GIRL is quiet ... millions of things are running in her mind.
When a GIRL is not arguing ... she is thinking deeply.
When a GIRL looks at u with eyes full of questions ... she is wondering how long you will be around.
When a GIRL answers " I'm fine " after a few seconds ... she is not at all fine.
When a GIRL stares at you ... she is wondering why you are lying.
When a GIRL lays on your chest ... she is wishing for you to be hers forever.
When a GIRL wants to see you everyday... she wants to be pampered. When a GIRL says " I love you " ... she means it.
When a GIRL says " I miss you " ... no one in this world can miss you more than that.

Life only comes around once make sure u spend it with the right person ....

Find a guy ... who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
Who calls you back when you hang up on him.
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who ... kisses your forehead.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends.
Who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Who turns to his friends and says, " That's her!! "

Singlehood

2008-05-09T22:53:00.004+08:00

Recently been thinking about this topic again. There are some people talking to me about it again recently. I am really wondering why I am remaining single.

For a fact, I am still not very sure of what I want in a mate. If I am unsure, I also do not want to go too deep with any party and hurt someone. Secondly, am I chasing after a fantasy? Am I not looking for a girl that will steal my heart, make me want to see her more, make me nervous and have sweaty palms...?

I really do not want mine to be a matter of it's time to get attached and so let us just do so. That feeling has not surfaced in my heart for a long time. Maybe a reason is also that I have not let anyone near it in ages.

Why? You may ask. I am also not sure.

C Division Volleyball Draw

2008-04-14T19:36:00.002+08:00

C Boys
Group A Group B Group C Group D
CH SHS SQS XMS
YTS ZHS DMS WSSS
BP AND FMS VS
HSC CTS PSS AMK

C Girls
Group A Group B Group C Group D
DMS NYG XMS CG
FMS SHS JSS CCHY
SMB YYS NAS SQS
BP WRS QSS HSC

C Division Volleyballers

2008-04-13T21:00:00.002+08:00

C Division Boys are improving in each game. There are small conflicts here and there but the general team spirit is good. I expect them to continue to battle hard for the upcoming nationals.

C Division Girls are good technically but they lack the drive and desire. I have to push them harder and also ask coach to toughen their training. They need to put in additional effort to do the best they can. 'NUA' is not an option. In doing their best, only will they reflect their real potential and also repay back the much that has been given them.

I do not really care if we lose or win. Of course, when we do lose, I feel the pain, especially if we could have won. I do not blame my players and they are all too aware for I never vent my anger at them. However, I need to push them hard so that they can accomplish their potential, else it is not doing the best for them as individual and as a team. I have lost games that I do remember up till now. I do not wish for them to live life with regrets.

Jiayou, my volleyballers. Reduce the conflict and do not be negative. I am trying to change the culture of how you all view things. I may not be perfect but I do care for each and everyone of you...

Volleyball Prize Presentation

2008-04-13T20:45:00.004+08:00

VOLLEYBALLERS

C Division

C Division Fun Shot

C Boys

B Boys

B Girls B Division

Some Words to Students

2008-03-23T09:12:00.002+08:00

Generally, I have notice this trend in many students nowadays:

Students give up easily and there is little or no resilience. Why? Fear of failure or fear of hardship. Since I am might fail, I might as well fail without trying. The process is so hard, I rather give up. Do these thoughts come through my mind? Yes, they do! Sometimes, I lose heart to teach because of various reasons. I feel like giving up. In the end, I hang on. Why? Because I see the potential I have to change lives. I rediscover my passion, I rediscover who I am and why I need to do what I do. I am not a saint but I know I love my students and wish them to grow. Sometimes, they irritate me and I do not know how I can carry on. I do face all these things. Another reason why these students give up is an indifferent attitude. I do not want to be so 'on'... Later, I will stand out as KS or a sore thumb. Please la... You work hard for your own good. Why bother what others think? It's your future! Do not settle for mediocrity. FMSS is a good school and many of the students are so smart. They do not fulfill their potential because they have so many various reasons. They lose faith in themselves. They hate the teacher. They are afraid to fail (so might as well not try in the 1st place - disappointment lesser)... They will find a million and one reason to justify their failures... Please work hard and perform because many of you are wasting the potential you have. Have that vision of who you can be and strive towards it. We do not succeed immediately. Make small steps towards it.
Many students are not content. Complain about this and that. The school sucks, the teachers suck, the work sucks.... Everything is worth complaining about. Even I am guilty of this at times... We need to learn to thank God for the situation. It could be worse...! FMSS is not perfect, the teachers are not perfect but we are all trying to make it better. As students, try to make our lives easier as well. Teachers never want to make your lives miserable. We have to uphold standards and enforce rules. Discipline is not out of punishment. It is out of love. We can allow you to rot away but why do we scold? Why do we punish? It wastes a lot of energy on our part. Understand that... Appreciate the things you have. Find things to appreciate. If we complain and keep saying things like this sucks or that sucks, there will never be contentment. I am also learning to do that too. Let's learn that so that we can move together to appreciate the school and the people in the school and for all the things we have and face.

There are many more things I can write about but these 2 are the most pressing. Let's love one another and the environment we are in. Let's be the best we can be in our roles. Let's not settle for mediocrity. I am learning to be the best teacher I can be in my own ways. I am definately not there. There are people out there who hates me still. However, I cannot please everyone also. I will try my best to do the things that my principles guide me. Of course, if my principles are wrong, I must reflect and change la....

To my form class, 2B, work hard! I believe a lot of you have the potential to do well but a lot of you have lost the confidence...! Also, a lot of you lack the discipline and drive because of the past failures you face. Do not worry... Work harder and clear your doubts with the teachers. Do not hate the 'bad' teachers... Learn to find things to appreciate about them. Learn to love one another. I do not mean BGR love. I mean taking care of one another and caring for one another, putting aside differences and working together. I love all the classes I teach. I do get angry and I hope you all learn to be better people. Try not to irritate me as much and learn to do your best, in handing your work, forms and all things on time. Do not make me chase you all... Also, those weaker students, come and look for the teachers to study. Do not give up on yourselves and the school.

I am not a saint. I cannot save everyone. The only one capable of that is God... He saved us all and make us, the ugly, unlovely, lousy .... into something worthwhile. That's why I hold this belief that all are possible to be saved. However, they must want to be saved, else noone can save them. Save them from EMO, from depression, from feeling lousy about themselves....

I am just writing a lot today because I have been feeling a lot of things recently due to the series of things I have faced in FMSS ever since I became a teacher here. It is indeed a testing yet rewarding career. The money? No way!! It's never the money... Haha... In the coporate world, I may have surbordinates but not 40 times 13 of them that make my blood boil at various times. In the 'bosses' department, there will be unhappiness at times but we work through our things professionally. Life is never perfect. It is making the most of our imperfect lives and hopefully leaving a legacy behind. All will turn to dust and disappear when I step into my coffin (as in people put me in when I die - for those whose ang mo a bit lousy one...), nothing material is left behind but the intangible things are there.

When I see students appreciate me, I am happy enough... I do not even think of any gifts. When my class sang me a happy b'day song and made a card for me, I was moved to tears. Some wrote me touching letters, blog entries and so on. Thank you for appreciating me. I love you all. Even the not so lovely ones, I love you all too. You all sometimes irritate the hell out of me but I will say this: I love you all too. Try to irritate me less, k? I do not expect you all to change overnight but learn to change...

I am so patient because I have been through that 'lost' road. I have gotten EMO. I have resisted working hard because I failed and lost confidence. I have also gotten into lousy relationships and came out of them hurt. I have also tasted threats in school. I have also gotten in fights (as early as primary school). I have also been rejected many times (I used to be ah gong one who don't know anything about BGR and I looked really NOOB at chasing gals). I also did not look as 'handsome' as I do now. I wore black-rimmed spectacles and was a nerd. Study la... Else, you wanna become road sweeper huh? I had leukemia and almost died but I survived it. I was ridiculed by others and suffered many emotional scars. (Gangs mah... Smoking mah... Porn mah... Occult mah... Drinking mah... Sucidal mah... Hurting self mah... Vulgarity filled language mah... - I would not say I have engaged in ALL of such things! Some I came close, some I did... You ownself guess...) Some of the above, I have seen my friends gone those ways... They suffered... Some got pregnant (gals). Some have battle scars... Some have gone to prison... Some have wasted their lives....

Life is worth living for...! Many times, we waste away our lives for we have not found what we need to live and love for. We have lost sight of the hope of life. We feel that it is to grow old, have a family then die. If things get tough, we split ways, no need for commitments... Life is not so hopeless... There is hope...! For me, it is God! I do not deny sometimes I do wish to shout out and give up! SIAN...! I have kept going after many falls... I have had many setbacks but I am still going on because I believe in what I am doing. To help many lives. They may not become christians but I wish to put hope into their lives to find meaning in what they are living this life for! Live for yourself! Live to be a better person. Live to give of your life to others who may need it more than you. There are many out there who needs you! Give hope to others. Live a life of legacy! Make a difference in your own ways. It may not be big. Look around you. There are many friends out there who you can bring hope to... They are closer than you think. Be a hope even though you may be imperfect. But you need to grab a hold of your own life 1st. Start believing again!!!

Heart to Heart Entry to Volleyballers

2008-03-23T08:16:00.002+08:00

I have come to realise that there are still some of you who do this to one another behind my back. The constant bickering and 'suan-ing'...

I have already addressed the B Girls on this matter. We are all team and a family. Do not always pinpoint other's mistakes and then say nasty things. This would destroy the team and the unity we have. It is the small actions (yes, even the non-verbal) that can kill the team spirit so watch what you say and do.

There has since been improvement since the last time I have spoken to all of you butI do not wish to see any of the old issues creeping in!!! If anyone is trying to create a rift and feels that they are ousted out, this is not acceptable. Do not group together to make a person left out nor do not adopt the victimised attitude to think they others are against you. If there needs to be things to trash out, I will step in to address. Learn to function as a team. There must be no bickering or gossip spreading!

If the setter cannot set properly, you as a spiker should still try to get the ball over. When you hit the ball into the net, you stare at the setter? No... Encourage one another. Build up and not tear down. I am not saying this is happening but I have seen the B Girls do it. That was why they played badly. In terms of the rest of the divisions, you must watch all these things. Never allow such things to creep in.

I find that the B Girls have finally understood how they have come so far together as a team. I see Eunice Kwek coming back to train. I am so delighted to see her come back, rejuvanated to train and more disciplined than before. I am not saying I do not see the others who have been faithful. It is just so heartwarming to see her 'lost' in her ways and come back.

The C Boys and Girls need to put aside their childish ways. When I say this, it is one for all and all for one. All of you are responsible for the team's success. There cannot be a hint of segregation. Please learn to be responsible when you put on that jersey or collar pin. You are part of a successful team but it does not come easy. It comes through commitment.

You all need to seriously reflect constantly your attitude toward training, teachers and coaches. There must not be an indifferent attitude. After all that the teachers and coaches do for you all, please appreciate them by putting in the 110% effort to train. We will push, we will scold... Why? I have already said, we do not want to set low expectations so that's why we push you all towards excellence. If you are ever indifferent, please leave...! Do not put on that jersey nor be a FMSS Volleyballer. Get out of the school because the school does not own you anything. What you have been given as C Division is due to the hard work of your seniors who fought hard to win matches and let you enjoy the priviledges you have now. You own the school everything if fact. FMSS is a good school. Trust me. I have taught elsewhere. FMSS may not be the best in every aspect but we are not a perfect school. Contentment comes from within. If you choose to look at the things to complain, it would be endless. Appreciate what you have been given and give your best to serve the school. Many are still hoping to come in our doors to be students.

As for the B Boys, you all have grown in spirit and unity as a team. Even MingJie has shown some maturity and finally, it is paying rich dividends. I need you all to know that you all need to put in the effort to taste success. I need you all to know we are a good team but we have been weak mentally. This is something weird of Fairsians, compared to those other schools. We are not as resilient and tough. We need to toughen up and be fierce, to fight and win. The B Boys have shown tremendous fight but they need to cajole one another on to reach greater heights. When one is down, rally around... You are the seniors of the school to the C Division. Set the high standards and be role models to them!

In many of the things that you all are getting as students, I never had them in my time as a student. I had no coaches, no indoor facilities to train (from Sec Sch to JC to Uni to even CSC - all outdoors), no training trips, no good equipment (our volleyball weighted a tonne - rubber texture ones), no nice jerseys, no sports shoes..... The list can go on... Sometimes, we injure ourselves and we only have the 6-7 players, we soldier on to train with our cuts, bruises, sprained fingers...

Nowadays, many complain and say that they cannot train because of this and that. I trained 5 times a week with my teammates. Whenever one person makes a mistake, we gave ourselves 10-20 pushups. We were super fit but we had no skills. We were super disciplined. Many times, our teacher did not even have time to train us. We practised on our own in the outdoor court. We had 20 odd balls that were smelly, weighed a tonne and we only had canvas shoes... We did not even have money to afford proper court shoes.

What is my point? Please work hard to train. I understand there are many things that demand our attention. Our personal commitments elsewhere. Soccer, captain's ball... Please do not injure yourselves during competition period. Play and injured and then say cannot train. Where then is the priority? I am not saying that you cannot have your fun but you need to know what is important. What your priorities are...

There are many things I wish to do on Saturdays or even the holidays. Why do I come back to school? Why do I spend my holiday to come back to school to see you all train? Why do I go to Bangkok every year to look after my volleyball students when I can go Batam to chill or Malaysia to shop? Why am I still single? My 'park-tor' time is spent on my lovely yet sometimes irritating 'kids'... (I will get married and find my girlfriend one. No worries... Reason I am still single is I need to answer some personal questions which I will write in another blog entry).

Trainings will be tough but work hard. Do not leave room for yourselves to regret in future, thinking: "We should have done this or we should have done that...!" There is only one chance to get it right and it is now! Give of your best now and strive for excellence. I would not love you all less if you all do not perform. I just wish to see you all perform to your fullest potential.

There is no I in team... There is only We in team. When one falls, all fall... When one suffers, all suffer... United we stand, divided we fall. This is a wise old saying and it is still true today. I hope when you all read my blog, go spread it to the rest of the members. I wish you all to think about such things... I will still talk to you all periodically but I just had so much thoughts & thinking recently... After all the talks and incidents, these are my conclusions and pleas.

Care in showing Love to the school, the team, the coaches, teachers, equipment and facilities...

Contentment by Complain not but appreciate more...

Change Mindset through Reflecting on own shortcomings & point not at others' fault...

Courage to Fight & press on to be the best that you can be...

Commitment to Common goal and Putting aside Personal Interest

Challenge Mediocrity and Strive for Excellence

My 6 C's for all of you... Think about it. Think about the team. Think of where you are. Think about what you can do and should do.

Sudden Inspiration to Blog Long Long

2008-03-23T06:58:00.003+08:00

I have been silent in my blog for I have waited for something worthy of note to blog. 1 term has gone pass and as I looked back, I wondered about a few matters.

I fell sick on Friday night (last fri of the term) after I helped to train the new volleyball girls as no coaches were available. Then my body 'collapsed' in sickness. I felt cold and tired. I even had a temperature of 39 degrees when I went to see a doctor on the following saturday morning. No matter how many blankets I had or for the fact that I did not even switch on the fan (with my door to my room closed as well), I shivered in cold. As I looked back, why was it so?

It dawned upon me that I had struggled not to fall sick to keep the 'fort' running. What do I mean, in your language? It meant I tried all means not to fall sick for the sake of my form class and my volleyballers. I did not wish to try to play catch up in mathematics or other matters should I fall sick. Then for my volleyballers, it was competition season. There were many matters to look into and the rest of my CCA teachers were relatively new so I must guide them in the processes. Students who read these, competition means super many administrative matters, which you all have taken for granted.

For Volleyball CCA alone: Teachers must collect particulars, ensure that your EZ-links or passports are zapped, prepare payments for the matches, book bus, prepare jerseys, look at the fixtures and prepare the fixtures for the school (4 division), plan which teacher to go for which matches and ensure that normal lessons are not adversely affected, plan the early leave forms, send out various emails..... These are just for the CCA portion alone and I have not included that the teachers must plan relief duties for the respective subjects that they have to teach.

Am I trying to claim credit? No! I just hope students realise for themselves what the teachers have to do for you all. Please do not take things for granted. I find that it has been a trend of the present generation of students. They are not as appreciative of their teachers nor for anything. This is due to the complaining culture in Singapore. Everything must complain. They do not look at the good that people do but everything bad, they just pick it out and exaggerate it out of proportion, without 1st examining themselves.

Not that I am not guilty of that too but it's making a conscious effort to remember this principle. To this point, I remember one person in particular who falls badly into this catergory. He needs to learn to complain less of others and learn to reflect on himself. Not that I am trying to 'aim' him but I really hope he will learn to be a better person. He has a lot of potential to lead because he is a charismatic person but he needs to learn to do it the 'right' way. I hope he can change to be a better man. I trust he can!

Then I realised many CCAs have been thinking that the volleyballers are trying to make themselves the elite CCA in FMSS. Please do not get us wrong. It is not the case... If my students make you all feel this way, I am sorry for the image they potray. Volleyballers, please note that you all are not elites. We are all a family, a Fairfield family. We share our success. We have success, true but it is because of the support given by the other CCAs as well. Teachers behind students' backs have to work out the limited resources.

Netball and volleyball together, we have to share the parade square and the hall. Not that I do not wish to release the hall. I keep 'fighting' to keep the hall as much as I can so that we have a venue to train and not to impose the netball trainings on monday, wed and thursday. If I cannot train in the hall, I would have to move to the parade square and affect the netballers. In not being able to go out to train, I apologise to the badminton students too. I have tried to train outside but this is the case why we cannot. I have asked to book volleyball courts from the Singapore Sports Council (SSC). Their stand is that NO SCHOOLS ARE ALLOWED TO BOOK their facilities for volleyball training unless it is for competition and the request is placed in by the Principals of the school.

What this means is I cannot book Clementi Sports Hall or any other stadiums for that matter to train. During the whole entire year, the only other courts that are remotely possible are CCAB, SPANs and maybe Singapore Polytechnic. As you all know by now is that CCAB is always used for Basketball and Volleyball Competitions throughout the year. The courts are usually fully booked. Singapore Polytechnics or other varsities have been approached but they have their own trainings and their times do not suit ours. It has been tried for 3 years already with me 'hitting' the wall for all these 3 years.

Logistically, if I train at an external venue, I need to transport about 25-30 BALLS out to the venue, compared to shuttlecocks. Volleyball drills need to have that many balls to keep the drills running effectively. Can you imagine training with 10 shuttlecocks? When the coach trains, he needs to do drill and practice segments for many of the various sports. Imagine picking up the shuttles or balls every 1minute of drill. It is just not realistic.

I just want everyone to pause and think. We all play a part to contributing to the school's success. I have fiercely guarded my trainings because my season is from January to April for the B Division (Zonal and National) and C Division (Zonal). In July, we resume matches for the C Division (National). Thus, in June, we need to pick up the slack for the rest in May (due to the break for WHEEL week and other stuff). In season, most sports people will tell you, training for fitness is not the way to go. It is to practise formation, strategies to employ and tactical movements. Go ask any of your sports coaches. If they tell you otherwise, I think they are not really sound in their training methods.

If there is anyone to blame from the respective CCAs, it would be me, who guards the hall for my volleyballers to train. In October to December, we have another set of matches that we participate to gel the new teams (C players coming up to form the new B Division with the remaining players who have yet to graduate and hopefully any primary school players who will join in our C Division) together to prepare for the new season. Thus, we train again after the exams for matches. The time of intense physical training for the B Division is in June at the end of their season. For the C Division, their intense physical training will be in Jan. But as you can see, during these periods, my other divisions are training for matches. Basically, it is like the whole year round of competitions. I have 4 divisions to look into and we train 3 times a week for all divisions. I even have to place trainings on saturdays, which other CCA need not usually. This is so as to ensure that we are able to stay competitive.

Why do I force things so hard? Why? It is the passion for the sport! I also wish to give my students the chance to achieve success in their CCA. I have personally not been able to win anything during my time as a volleyballer because I did not have any coaches nor the proper facilities. We trained real hard on our own. We trained 5 days a week using the outdoor courts. When we did not serve over, we 'pumped' ourselves and punished ourselves. We did drills upon drills on our own. Even when it rained, I remembered we trained just so that we can win. I am not trying to put down other CCAs. Do not get me wrong. I wish to push my volleyballers to win and competition is getting very fierce nowadays.

I fight for their rights. I fight for things to give to my volleyballers. Volleyballers, please appreciate these things and do not take it for granted that they come naturally. Even for the overseas trip, there is a lot of work behind for the teachers to plan. They must source, plan, ask parents and 'waste' their holidays to go on such an additional trip. It is not that the volleyballers are elites but they are priviledged because I want to give them the exposure which I never had as a student or as a player. Now, do not get me wrong by saying the other teachers are not willing to do. Sometimes, they do not have the needed group size, the contacts needed to arrange.

I fight so hard at times that they have so many things and I think they feel that they are elites in the school. With that, I apologise on their behalf. I have to take the majority of the blame that sometimes they have become pampered. I am learning how to scold them and make them realise that they own the other CCAs an apology and not be so arrogant about themselves. Yes, true, we do get results.

This is due to the many sacrifices of the other CCAs and teachers. In getting the results, I know I must try to maintain them so that's why I am fighting so hard to maintain these results. Competition is getting more fierce out there and I must keep pushing out new 'inventions' to stay competitive. At the school level, much thought has been planned to ensure all things work out. The main key is also I am willing to propose and spend the extra time and effort to do it. I am a sports person. Sports is in my blood.

Thus, I fight for my own CCA, the CCA I am in charge of. Many times, students, teachers get 'locked' into arguements about how to bring their own CCAs forward. Your teachers are trying their best to make you all succeed. I have placed in a lot of effort in my CCA because I love it as my sport (I played since Sec 3 to University and took part in CSC games for a few years). True, I love soccer too but I am CCA teacher in charge of volleyball so I fight for my CCA's rights and not for soccer. It's the passion for my CCA.

All of a sudden, it seems that I am trying to make myself sound great... Please do not get mistaken. It is to say that I am the one that others should blame for the way that the hall is not being used by other CCAs. I fight hard to maintain it for my volleyballers use. I plan the many additional activities for them to take part to raise their standards. In the process, it might have made some feel big-headed. It is my fault as a CCA teacher to take them into discipline. I am not perfect. Never will I be but as I learn, I seek the understanding of those around.

Volleyballers, remember this... Appreciate the teachers you have. I do not mean me. Appreciate the school. Be examplary to all in the school. Do not think you are great and be 'yaya papaya'... You can achieve what you have because I fight for you all, other CCAs sacrifice and your very dedicated coaches (who are lowly paid compared to many other coaches out there). Do not always try to pinch your coaches of money and think they are rich. They work extremely long hours and they are not paid hourly. They are paid monthly. They work their socks off yet they will get the same amount, regardless of their hours.

Why are they working so much then? For the love of the sport and for the affection to the school. They have spent a good 4years or so coaching FMSS. They love the school even though all of them are from SQS. They want you all to succeed. They push you all hard. I give them the permission to. The process to success is hard and many times, you all may feel like the coaches are fierce. I made them do it to make you all perservere on. Appreciate them... They love you all and they want the best for you.

You must always know this. We all have your best interests at heart though we may not always know how to show them. There are times we have to discipline when you step out of line. This is in accordance to the Bible as well.　The Lord disciplines those He loves. We love you all and that is why we discipline you all. Do we get paid more if you all get Top 4? No! We do not. Then why then do we push so hard? For the glory? If you know us, it's not about the awards though we set targets. Without targets, people become lost and settle for mediocrity. Standards are to be maintained and expected.

Life is about discipline and standards. Many people just give up and feel that since it is so difficult, they rather give up. Excellence is achieved by keeping high standards and having discipline. Noone goes through life not getting scolded. If you ask me, I have been scolded countless of times for the way I do things or say things but I learn. I press on but I still do not give up fighting for the rights of my people.

Hang in there and fight for success. It is for your own growth... You may not see it now but press on. Appreciate what you have and do not always compare with others... You are where you are because of others, not in a blaming sense but in that we all help one another succeed to the best of our abilities...

Teachers are rich? Yes and No...!

2008-01-27T08:05:00.000+08:00

Many people come to me and say that I am rich. Am I really rich? Well, let me put things into perspective for the general public...

In teaching, there is no OT pay. In teaching, we earn a miserable sum for the amount of work we do in school then at home. When you compare what we are getting to the outside world, it's not worth the money! It's never worth the money!

As a mathematics person, let me count the cost for you. An average civil servant draws home $3000 or so. Some may be more due to their better grades in school previously. Maximum, I can cap it is about $5000. In having purely tuition for the hours that I am putting in, say 11 hours a day for 5 days (1 hour for lunch supposedly but many a times, it is only 15minutes). On saturdays, I usually put in 8am-5pm, which is 7hours (1 hour for meal). Total, I work 62 hours a week. In 4 weeks, I work 248 hours. If I base my tuition hours based on that, say $40 (which is very low), it would come up to $9920 in cold hard cash!!! $$$$ Kar-ching!

This is how much money I am losing as a civil servant, in the teaching profession! That amounts to about $5000 a month! Am I rich? No way am I rich in financial terms, especially in Singapore. Then why teach?

Here is why I teach: I have been a naughty student. I have been a student who likes sports and girls more than books. I was a boy who disturbed my teachers. I was a boy who slept in class. I was a boy with gangster friend. I did not smoke nor fight (Thank God for His protection, else I might have)! I found that there is meaning to life, much more than all these things. I found a motive to live, to study - Jesus! I am not apologetic about it.

In going through this journey as a christian, I realised it was God's call to go into the teaching world. To spread His love, His good news. To help the younger generation see that they can make meaning to their lives. That what the world tells them may not always be the truth. There is hope for the hopeless. There is grace for the bad. There are chances to suceed if only they try! Many many people, students are lost...! They need to find the reason why they are studying, not condemned by teachers who scold them and whack them when expectations are not met.

Do not get me wrong. Students must be disciplined. Students must also be nurtured and spoken to positively, not out of trying to inflate their ego and flatter them. It is to help them see things about themselves which they are unable to.

When students change and become better, they are the greatest reward to our lives as teachers. When they do well, it is the reward. Not so much that they remember you but when they do, it touches our hearts! It's these things that makes teaching a rich and rewarding career. There will be heartaches. There will be times that students do not see the light but it is ok! We teachers must never lost sight or passion of the richness of life! To God be the glory!

Quotes by Guru Lum

2008-01-27T08:00:00.000+08:00

Complain not the circumstances but be joyful in the journey!
Your best for self may not be God's best for you!
Fear not when you hear not for He's always near!

All these quotes comes from my own personal journey with God. It may be used in future for quotes but I hope it is not whereby the author is unknown so I am staking my claims for these quotes 1st. Hahaha.....

My reflection of my journey in FCBC

2008-01-21T21:11:00.000+08:00

In the past 20 years in FCBC, I realised a few things about my heart and about the operations of the church.

In the years that I have been in FCBC, I came to a point to realise that I have been trying to meet expectations. Expectations of leaders who keep telling me that I am not good enough. That I do not measure up to the level of certain things. Then I really started to rebel against such leaders because I do not see grace. I do not see discipleship. All I see from such leaders is condemnation and planting of guilt. I do not blame them because many of them were brought up in church in such a similar manner. Some could grow because of their own walk with God. Many just left the church disappointed, disheartened, disillusioned... I was at such a point. I was simply unable to hear and obey the leaders anymore. My head told me to submit but my heart lacked the emotional capacity to obey even when I wanted. I lacked the capacity to do so.

Many times, I showed rebellion and I did not obey my leader. When I shared my heart, all I met with was that I needed to do this or that. Then when I questioned their roles as leader, they just told me I need God. Since that was so, I felt that there was no need for cell then. Since a cell such as this is only functional, to meet and discuss bible, to sing worship songs and play games... What good was such a cell? To me, I rather not have it and go on my own way to not go church and be with God alone. That was why I mentioned: THIS CHURCH HAS NO LOVE!

I meant what I said for the situation then. That was how I felt about the situation and the leaders that I faced. I was prepared to leave the church then and I issued an ultimatum to God there and then. I told Him if I was to go through life like this in church, I rather no church at all. God heard my prayers and sent me my present leader to guide me in ways of acceptance and taught me how to learn to grow once more. I do not say I did not act up nor was I able to lead. I was just wanting to rest and recuperate from the mess that I was in. He gave me the room to do so and challenged me each step of the way, giving me room to grow and feel loved again.

This was when I learnt to start feeling my heart again and can begin to appreciate church again. This is the true G12 vision. To disciple and journey through the process with your spiritual son/daughter, having the grace and acceptance for your children when they fall yet discipline in love and not through guilt. I felt that when the G12 vision was introduced, I was skeptical about it because if it was running a structure and missing on the heartbeat of discipleship, all will fail once more. It's never about the system but it's always been the heart.

I can only say that in Jiajun's cell, there is now a healthy way of discipleship. That's why there is depth in the cell. Each one is growing because they see the impartation of life. They also feel loved and accepted and are also challenged to grow. Growing not in the sense of trying to meet expectations but to do so because they are really propelled by loving God and love from God.

Logging off now. Will write more on this...

2008

2008-01-12T17:08:00.000+08:00

2008 has started with a bang at the church countdown. Simply one of the best countdowns I have had. Then came the dreaded going back to school syndrome. However, all has been going not too bad so far. I am beginning to enjoy 2008 so far. True that there will be ups & downs but I really feel this year is one that I may enjoy more as compared to last year.

Even as I reflected on last year, there were many things that tested my walk with God. How hard it is to please Him in things that I have to do. In trying not to live up to the expectations of others but His & His alone. It is not to say that I simply do not care about other's expectations but it does not govern my life. There is liberty in God. In reading the letters that the youths in church wrote for me, I can say that some of the things that they mentioned about my life influencing them moved me to tears.

Yes, man do cry. Real man do cry. I do not subscribe to the fact that man who crys are weak. Man who realise when to cry are better equipped emotionally than man who do not. Fighting their own emotions tend to keep them from truly expressing how they feel and eventually, they numb their emotions.

In 2008, I am the form teacher of 2B for this year. Indeed, there are some characters that may be challenging but I can say that I like my class. I enjoy telling them some of my life stories. I do not know if they enjoy it as much though. I have never been able to tell so much of my life stories to any of my classes so far. I sincerely hope these stories will help them understand certain principles in life that I am trying to bring across. I am never a teacher who wants to mark students and thumb them down. I believe in discipline but I also adopt an approach of wanting them to understand my heart for them.

In volleyball CCA, the team has grown and I am satisfied with the number of students I am recieving. The teams are united and I am really happy that one student has indeed made positive changes. I pray that she will always know that life is not about always doing things that she likes. I really hope she feels that she is a part of the volleyball family. As for those who are new in volleyball, training is tough but there is one another. I hope they all stay united in adversity to 'fight' against the opposition.

In church, I am still who I am. A guy who wishes to help impact the lives of youths. Not just in church but in school as well.

In essence, this year has started on a good note. True that I may have many more things to do at work but it would not get me down. With greater years, comes greater responsibilities. I hope those who read my blog will continue to help me write meaningful chapters in my life & hopefully, I can write meaningful chapters in their lives...!

The Actual Day on 15 Dec

2007-12-17T16:56:00.000+08:00

It was a hectic day starting at 6am. Woke up & prepared for the big day. The air of expectancy was high. We went to get the bridal car by about 730am after making sure everything was in place. Then we made our way down to the bride's place where she was held captive by the most fearsome adversary, the legendary Vanessa (an OBS instructoress). She with her henchwomen devised terrible schemes and traps to try and finish off all the gallant heroes. Up and down the stairs to various levels, we were able to conquer all that was set before us, wax patches for the legs, lipsticks to kiss the disposable underwear on various unmentionable locations and crossing the river of love for Jeanie were no means to get us down. At the end, the key to the lair was obtained through the bursting of the balloons. Upon breaking into the lair, we were able to save the princess from the clutches of the evil Vanessa. True to our task, the prince was able to rescue the princess.

As the Prince brought the Princess back home for the ceremony (tea), whereby the Prince's family members and relatives were able to partake in this joyous celebration with them; the Band of Brothers and the rescued maidservants went to Touch Centre to make sure all errands were handled. For me personally, food was bought, meals were bought, running around till I pespired were just a summary of the sweat I had to give on that day.

After all the formalities were over, solemnization and tea ceremony for some other relatives, it was the finale whereby the prince and princess will go through the wedding ceremony service. It was a grand day with wonderful gifts from the brothers, especially the super hilarious video. All in all, all went well and the prince and princess were finally able to be married.

Tan Chow Yan Gabriel and Jeanie Sim's Wedding Prep Day on 14 Dec

2007-12-17T16:03:00.000+08:00

On 14th Dec, the chauffer me was called to action. At precisely 4pm, the operation wedding was already set in motion. I was to pick up Master Tan at his abode. On arrival, I was instructed to ferry my Master to Tanah Merah to recieve his bridal mobil. On arrival, Master Tan got into the undisguised bridal mobil, while I was in my trusty Jazzerita. The 2 of us went to the hideout of our agency to meet Miss Q. Q was a trusted member of the agency who helped to hand out the weapons we needed to embark on our quest the next day. The bridal mobil was loaded with wonder laces, terrific teddies and frontal flowers. Next, we went on our way to keep the bridal mobil hidden from the world at Loyang. Then from there, I fetched my Master to his trusted aid's hideout at Pasir Ris. Over there, we made careful & detailed plans for the evening. First, we needed to nourish our bodies and get some logistics for the secret bachelors' meeting. In secrecy, we were sworn into the group so our operation was made known to the selected few. Before we were able to embark on this operation, we went to recce where the princess was kept captive. We saw the terrible adversary that we had to face. After the recce, the brotherhood convened Punggol to have fun, where there was music, booze, fun and babes. Music from Guitar, booze which we bought but forgot to drink, fun from Xbox and babes from our homemade video. We proceeded back to our resting place to retire for the night so that we are able to tackle the adversary so as to rescue the princess...

BGR - Boy Girl Relationship

2007-12-05T08:00:00.000+08:00

BGR - Boy Girl Relationship
The buzz word among teens. The word that captures attention. The thing that causes the heart to flutter.

In the end, is it all about feelings? I pretty much doubt it. I do not deny the need for feelings but I also do not discount the fact that when all these flowery words, feelings and gifts fade, what is left? Is it only feelings? There's more to liking. There needs to be love, which is a committment word. As much as most people are fearful of committment, love is to commit.

Relationship does not cure loneliness. If one cannot live a happy and contented life, how can just by having another person cure the state one is in? If driven by this need, then wrong choices are easily made cuz many rather choose a not so good person and jump right in, in fear of being alone.

When one is emotionally handicapped, one does not realise the fact that one is not able to give freely of oneself. How can an immatured person deal with another immatured person? It spells disaster. If we do not first get our lives right emotionally, spiritually, financially... How can we live with another person? This other person cannot depend on you and neither can you depend on him/her for your needs. Don't get me wrong. I am not saying that partners should not be there for each other but the essence of the relationship is not to look for someone to depend on. We should still offer ourselves to them but each person must be responsible for his/her growth.

It is difficult to explain all these. Been through a few broken relationships at an early age. Hurt gals unknowingly. I was selfish and at times, manipulative. However, I was not aware of it. Not that I am trying to justify what I did. Bygones be bygones. These gals have all moved on, whereas I am still single. Sinngle by choice. Not that I am handicapped by my past but the opportunity has yet to surface itself.

To love is not to be demanding and manipulative. Many times, we are insecure and we do emotional blackmail. Do note that this is not the way to go. A relationship is built on trust, built on mutual respect and built on love.

How then do we know we are ready for a relationship then, one may ask? I can only say it's not indicated by physical age but by emotional and spiritual depth.

Superficiality fades but spirituality flourishes with time. This should be the norm, the guide to life of maturity but not all live this way.

Gotta go. Will work on this post again should I feel led to.

Retreat

2007-12-05T07:55:00.000+08:00

Today marks the day I am leading a mini retreat. In anticipation, I woke up at 520am and could not get back to sleep. I realised my heart was wild and wants to play but I know it is not the focus. How often we are carried away by the emotions that we miss the entire point. The one and only point - Jesus.

Even as the year draws to a close, it is good to ponder upon our lives and reflect while thinking where to head from here on. The world does it in the form of new year resolutions. As christians, we should do something similar as well. To think about our lives and where to go. However, these goals are not just self driven goals but God given goals with divine aid throughout the process.

Do think about it. Retreats are a need. Time to recuperate, recharge, re-energise, re-strategise, refocus... I think one gets the point on the re's. Retreat, here I come!

Master, Mission, Mate

2007-12-03T10:02:00.000+08:00

As a christian, it is in this order that one should dedicate one's life to:
1. Master
2. Mission
3. Mate

The Master being God Himself. Why would I say so? Because if God does not govern your life, all else will fall out of place eventually. Our aim in life is to pursue Him and made for His purposes. I understand that we are in the process of being more like Him and that we go through various struggles. However, if we do not submit to Him as the Lord of our lives, we are bound to 'fail' in some manner. People do not understand what does this failure mean. They think that a proper house, a happy family and stuff like that is measured as success. i beg to differ. I think the success is only measurable when one gets to heaven and sees one's treasures and rewards.

This also brings to the next point of Mission. If we make Jesus as our Lord, naturally we will obey the Mission He has given us. In summary, it is to build lives. To make disciples throughout the ends of the earth. Like Abraham, we are to father the land and be father to many. Of course, like him, we may not see the many numerical fruits. Some in their lifetime may only deal with one but it is how we deal with this one that may be the most important. As he might father a million. Thus, never look at matters in the eyes of man.

With this point comes a personal note:
In submitting to the Lord, it's never easy. Many times, I feel that I want to give up. Walk like the pagans or like the 'christians'. So much easier. However, I know that is not God's will for my life. Even though I am saying this, I am not boasting to say I have reached a certain standard. Far from it be pride from me. I am a sinner saved by grace and grace alone. This journey is only possible because God chose me. It has not been easy but God had and has been with me all these times.

Last then comes the Mate portion. Many want a mate. I want a mate, a helper, a person to be there with me as I journey through this walk. I know that I am not perfect and neither will she be. It would just be a journey of 2 people who loves God and loves each other. I have not found this person and I am not worried. I know God took my rib away to make her for me. SHE WILL BE MINE! HAHAHAHA...... It's not about looks that much as one grows older. All I want is someone who meets my needs and I meet hers. Not that she takes over God. Wrong wrong! She is there as a helper, an extension of God's hands to me. One who spurs me for God and is interested to grow in Him as well. A matured female who knows her Master and Mission as well before meeting me.

Knowing one's Master, Mission and Mate is important. Please learn people! Please do...

Been Around awhile in FCBC for 19 Years

2007-11-12T09:40:00.000+08:00

As I count the years I have been in FCBC (my church), I could not believe the number! It's been a SOLID 19 years. I cannot believe I have been here for so long, given its reputation as a Fast Changing Baptist Church or Forever Crippling Baptist Church and many other nasty names. I am not saying that FCBC is bad or its impression is bad. Nor am I implying that I have been a saint to stay so long. It's just been long gruelling years.

True that FCBC is fast moving and not easy to live with at times. But do we not say that of the many relationships we have? I mean, I did get hurt and felt that church was sucky at various points of my life. What made me stay then? God! Sounds cliche? Well, maybe to you... I mean, the only reason why I stayed in FCBC or for that matter, a christian was the fact that I remembered His goodness and that my life was and is His to begin with. Thus, when God says stay, I obeyed. I struggled as well. There came low points in my life that I wanted to leave the church because of hurts and depression.

I came to a point to say that the church was sucky and I did not need the church. I rationalised to say that since man is inperfect and the church is so messed up, why bother to be in a community nor be at service. All I needed was God what.I was not growing and the church did not make me grow. It was pure desperation that I made a prayer to Him. Help me or I am leaving.

God blessed me and listened to my prayers. He blessed me with the current leader. Not that I am saying my previous leaders were bad but they just were not equipped to help me through certain issues. God had a plan and a purpose for them and me at that point of my life for them to be overseeing me. I pitied these leaders who had to handle me. I was mean, bad, hurt and abusive. Poor them!

Moving on, I was given hope and change was beginning to take part in my life. Not that I am already there. I am still far from it all. I would say that the my current leader surpasses me in many ways despite him being a christian of fewer years. Many people do not accept that and sometimes, many christians fight over this. What difference are we then from the disciples of Jesus when they were arguing who to sit at His sides in heaven? Position in the kingdom of God is not about age, not about leadership, not about what we view as important. If we see all these as important, we miss the point completely.

THE KEY IS SERVANTHOOD and HUMILITY. That's all God is looking for. Not great man with great capabilities. All God looks at is the heart.

When subjected to a younger christian's leadership, are we judgmental to think about the leader negatively? Do we question if this person knows what he/she is doing or do we submit in maturity? I am not saying to do things blindly. Check with the Spirit of God. Submit and learn and know God's purpose in a time such as this.

Many people do not understand submission and Lordship. Many leave the church or even the faith for when they are challenged, they choose to back down. They choose to hear what they wish. They prefer to do as they please. No unequally yoked relationships. No, I cannot abandon her. I love her. BULL****! Do not even start getting close. Boundaries. Awareness. Living for God! No two ways about it! FULLSTOP!

Then there are also those who say, I am too old already. God has passed me by. I do not think I can lead or serve anymore. They are just happy and content to lead a life that is peaceful and slack. I do not mean one cannot enjoy and stuff. I am saying these people are giving excuses. God has a plan for everyone, which is to bear fruits for Him. Fruits that will last. A tree cannot say it does not want to bear fruit. It has to! Such a tree that is useless will be chopped down and burnt. John 15 says that, just that the analogy is one of us being branches.

Just many thoughts that has surfaced about the christian walk over the past few months or so. Been in FCBC so many years and hopefully many more to come! This upcoming year will be a year of sabbeth. It's the 2nd time FCBC has done so. Thus, it's been a point of looking back, thinking and moving forward!

Women & Men

2007-11-07T08:37:00.000+08:00

Recently, there has been a lot of hooha about homosexuality...

Here are my thoughts and what I think:

Male are male and female are female. FULL STOP! People state genes as a likely possibility. Then this poses the question- does a male dog hump another male dog? Or for that matter, any male animal go after another male? We are worse than animals then!
Religiously, it is not accepted. Muslims & Christianity states that there should be no unhealthy relationships between people of the same gender. Ying & Yang - there might be unbalance but it can be sorted out. There is no need to just say that I am a mixture of both.

Most people are both man and woman to begin with. What do I mean? Any person has a heart and a mind. It is the world's view that man should be tough and not show hints of emotions. When guys do that, it is a sign of weakness. This may have been the driving force to show that these guys are gals to begin with. Likewise for the opposite gender. Guys can and should show emotions. Health includes physical, emotional, psychological and more. Guys need to know they have an emotional side in them, just that different individuals have it differently.

People just want to justify what they are doing. Just like what the bible says, many will choose to listen what they want to hear for it is pleasing to their ears. They do not wish to pursue the truth for it is difficult. Think about it. The present generation is becoming this way.

GUYS SHOULD STAY AS GUYS AND GALS AS GALS. Do not mess up theLAW of NATURE or the LAW of GOD!

Thoughts

2007-11-07T08:18:00.000+08:00

Realised some things within these few weeks.

Students are getting less resilient, over-reliant on others and are unwilling to try. Especially in FMSS. Students are so forgetful. Some can forget about coming to Examination! Oh my goodness... Why they cannot even remember they have examination. They have entry proof, friends and they do not make sure they have checked thoroughly. I think this is a generation that takes things too lightly and do not take into account of their own actions. I remembered I had to make sure I checked my examination dates the night before, the time it started and I do call my friends to meet them earlier, on top of confirming the time. I am not promoting to be paranoid la!! Just careful and prudent. Also, students just do not turn up for CCA when they think they have no chance to represent the school. They rather not fight for their place and they rather quit. When I was a student, my aim was to work harder to prove my coach wrong! Have we produced a generation that gives up when the going gets tough? Is it a trend? I feel so. Life has been too plain sailing and smooth for many that they do not see the need to face failures.
Another aspect of view that I have spent thinking about was about relationships. What makes a couple? Is it just 2 lonly hearts coming together? Absolutely not! I think that a couple can only come together when they have accquired a level of maturity. Many lack the maturity and end up hurting one another. I am not against getting together but do not do so for the sake of doing so! Just need to know that a relationship when handled well, can bring much good out of it, even through a breakup. I also think when there is a relationship, it would be good to have mentors to guide through with you, the many issues you have to face.

Been super busy agan despite the fact that it's the holidays for the students. I have countless things to plan and think about. I have to prepare to lead youth camps, prepare for my volleyball camp, do up contracts for my coaches, catch hold of CCA absentees, prepare my teams for matches, be in charge of running O levels for my school... Just a few things I have to manage. But in the midst, I know that God is good!

I faced many situations that I was unhappy about but I know that if God is for me, who can be against me? All I know is that I do not need to justify myself and just keep growing. Well, I need to meet students soon, to make them write reflections for skipping training!

Catcha, my lovely blog!

Choices - Submission and Love

2007-09-20T17:20:00.000+08:00

What is submission?

Have you ever wondered what it is like to really submit to someone? Someone whom you do not like as a boss, as a senior, as someone above you in rank, just someone superior... In the bible, it says submit to your earthly leaders.

How do we do so when we do not feel like it? It is a choice. You can submit grudgingly due to the fact that you have no other choice. You can submit willingly even though you do not feel like it. However, the best choice is to submit and say that, "God, your ways are higher than mine. In this place, I know I have to journey through it as it is beneficial for me.

What about love?

Love can be divided into 2 types:

Loving with the Heart
Loving with the Mind

Loving with the heart is easy. When you love someone, it is so easy to do things for someone. However, one must be aware that one is not manipulative. This can happen ever so easily. Guys, in particular, always can be heard saying, if you love me, you should allow me to +#$% (pardon me for the censorship). It is obvious what these matters may be. Love is not selfish and love is not manipulative. Even those of good intentions are sometimes musked with deeper motives that the individual is not aware of unless he/she spends time to reflect through.

On loving with the mind, it can be regardless of how one feels. How is this so? In the Bible, it says to love your enemies. How can one love your enemies or even your enemy? HOW? It is evident that it does not come with emotions attached initially. It is made out of choice. Eventually, the heart will follow up with your head on this matter.

In life, many things are about choices. You make your own choice how you feel. You cannot control others or how they react. You can only manage your end. Be miserable or be happy, it's actually your choice, not others! Do not put the blame on others too easily...!

Dad's Gone Home

2007-08-07T16:50:00.000+08:00

My dad is finally home and able to rest after his open heart surgery. However, much more prayers need to go in for him.

At least he can now attend my brother's wedding on National Day! Yeah! Cool for him! Thank God many things are starting to straighten out a little better and faster.

Zhijian aka Zest shared his testimony about J... Jason aka Mr Lum... I mean J for JESUS!

2007-07-31T12:46:00.000+08:00

Zhijian aka Zest shared his testimony about his life to the upper secondary students. It was a fantastic testimony and of from his heart.

Many of my colleagues came back to me and told me that it was a great testimony. I was shocked to see the extent of this response. But I praise God that Zhijian managed to share his life and about Christ from the stage to the upper secondary population of about 700 students! Praise be to God.

I hope many of the students will and do understand the journey of christianty may not be easy but has to go on. Else, we are all but slaves to this world. Jesus loves us all!

Dad's In Hospital

2007-07-31T12:38:00.000+08:00

Just an update on my dad.

He is currently warded and needs a heart bypass operation. 3 of his exiting vessels from his heart is badly blocked. They are 100%, 95% and 80+% blocked. Thus, he needs to undergo the sugery.

Thank God that at least it was discovered before any serious things occurred, say, stroke or a heart attack. In this aspect, it is really a joy!

He will undergo the operation on 2nd August in the afternoon. I pray and hope that many of you will help offer your prayers to him as well.

I believe he will be well. He is a good man and should enjoy his life. Do pray for my mother as she is easily worried and gets into nervous bouts. She cried and woke up disturbed and stuff. As I journey htough all these, I still know and believe God is good to me. I need to get some work done so that I may leave earlier to visit him later.

Expressions of Thoughts

2007-07-23T18:03:00.000+08:00

Jeremiah 29:11 to 14---
11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the Lord, "and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

What a constant struggle to do what the Lord wants me to do. I know He has plans for me, to prosper me and bless me. However, I know that I want to please myself by doing as I please. In the end, this is not the right thing to do as it does not build what is eternal. It does not do me any good in the long run. People not of the faith does not understand what it all means but it's normal. It all seems foolish to them. I need to hang in to the promises of God and keep trusting Him. Do pray along with me and for me!

In the quietness of the office now at 645pm, I have my own time and space to slow down and reflect the day. I tried to wake up this morning to seek Him but how weak my flesh was. He reminded me once again how much He loves me and that only He can satisfy me. I do not need to worry and do not need to be afraid that I am not accepted by Him. He will draw me back and hold me in His arms as long as I cry out to Him. There is hope!

I realised from one student when I asked her why is she on a self-destrcution mission that many a times, we feel unworthy to accept love, unworthy to accept ourselves for who we are. Indeed, we are SHIT. This, I do not deny. For without Christ and God, we are worthless beings, capable of nasty and malicious destructive forces. This student wanted to give up on herself and wish that people around her to stop caring for her. However, if she looks deeper, she wants love and she wants care but she feels unworthy and shuns away. Such is the irony of life!

We all want love and care from people around us. How often we miss the fact that this is easily available through God. I went through a lot of these emotional rides throughout my secondary school and JC days. Even when I was in Uni, I was not spared. Even now, I do get my fair share. It's life's emotions. Even when we have a mate, it does not mean we are necessarily spared from this. Acceptance and receiption of love is so complicated yet simple.

What I am saying is this: Life is simple yet difficult. It is about running the race towards a vision with perseverance. Many give up in this race of life because of its difficulty. Oh well... Gotta go. Will continue again. Me need to go fetch my parents home.

My Volleyballers

2007-07-23T14:16:00.000+08:00

Zone Prize Giving 2007

The New Frontier (The B Division before departure to Bangkok for Training Trip - 5th to 11th June 2007)

100K Blessing

2007-07-23T14:10:00.000+08:00

I wish to pray for you and bless you. Would you be keen to be blessed? Drop me a line. I will get back to you asap. It's just a prayer for you. Nothing much...

15 minutes before lessons

2007-07-23T11:53:00.000+08:00

My computer at home has problems logging into my blog. Now, I am trying to blog in school to see how it goes.

How has life been?

I also dunno where to start. Busy, upset and at a loss.

My heart yearns to find a mate, a soul mate but life is not all about that. It is about pleasing God. However, it's a constant struggle between what He wants to give in His time and what I now.

So many frustration with my class as well. They just don't seem to grow up. Oh well... I also at my wits end at times on how to care for them. Just feel like scolding them so often... How? How?

Complaints are not getting me anywhere. I shall go back to my work. Update more later.

Testing blog...

2007-05-08T20:17:00.000+08:00

Dear readers,

Sorry for the delay... It's been a long while since I have blogged. Now that the exams are here for the students, I have a little more time for myself.

I was thinking through a few things that some people have left on my blog. Why do teachers even bother complaining about students? Especially when they make your life miserable. It's such a strange fact. An irony! We do so because we still care about the students. We wish they behave better, know better what they are doing... Hope they change and do not make us angry. I mean, you think about it... Who doesn't want to talk about happier things? Like family, love life, our hobbies... More so than students. Yet the students still don't realise that they are the ones who should change. Else, in the end, when they fail and falter, it might be too late. Why should we as teachers bother so much? They are not even our children! Right?

Played soccer that day on saturday morning. The first time in about 6 months after my leg broke in July last year. I mean, I tried to play with students but those are relaxed kickabouts. This time round, it was more serious, with adults. I had the chance to score 2 goals, playing as a defender or keeper most of the time. Yeah! God is good! He healed me!

What I think of certain issues?
Love life is as normal - I am without a target officially. Just hanging out with friends and enjoying my life as a single.
Nothing much more to say except that my class needs to grow up! Grow up and learn to be good boys and girls. 1I, you need to learn to behave. I am tired at times. A lot of times with the naughty behaviour. I trust that you can make it in life. You need to trust in yourselves and 'fight' for your future. Nothing much more I can do for you! 'Fight' means perservere. Not to really fight!!!

Madness since school started

2007-03-30T16:05:00.000+08:00

Once school started, it has been none stop things...

CCA - Competition to go to, administrative matters to do for these matches, preparing letters and stuff for volleyball overseas trip...

Form class - Fights, truancies, home visits, discipline cases, administrative phone calls and paperwork...

Math - Assigning work, preparing work, chasing work, tests, marking, teaching...

SWB (Staff Well-Being) - Coordinate events for the staff

PE - Managing the PE storeroom, teaching classes, preparing materials..

Church - Preparing for "Jesus the Rock Concert"

ANYONE KEEN TO GO FOR THE CONCERT? PLEASE MSN ME @jasonlum060379@hotmail.com

The price of the tickets is at $4 a piece. Please support them! I really think they are pretty good.

Well, just a few other thoughts that cane across my mind. Life is difficult but God is good to me. I will continue to bless others in whatever way I can despite some crap that I may have to face. Will update a bit later on my blog. Need to go back to marking...!

Sorry. Why no blog?

2007-02-03T22:50:00.000+08:00

Dear all,

Sorry for the absence. After work has started, it's been madness!

Form Teacher of Sec 1 Normal Technical. More than a zillion forms to collect. Money to collect. Data to compile for the form class.

Then there's a student who is running away from school to manage. Fights among classmates to handle. This is week 5 and there are about 5 fights already. There are many little squabbles here and there. Then there is marking, assignment setting, tests to set and mark.

CCA has started competition. Must prepare letters of absences and also letters to inform parents. Also, prepare for registration and booking of buses. Make sure that students get to matches on time and I have to go with them.

X-country planning. Was just over on the 26th Jan. Just over not too long ago.

PE Equipment stocktake to handle. Counting equipment from balls to sticks to racquets....

Meetings to handle and attend. Then have to plan activities for teachers to take part as part of Staff Well Being Committee.

All these on top of teaching, which is supposed to be what I am doing....

Then also planning for cell and the concert for Good Friday (church concert). Nah, I am not singing...!

I am not busy la... I am just MAD! I am working like I also don't know what. Haha... Students who read this, appreciate your teachers.

To the students who miss my teaching. Sorry. It's all planned by the people in power so I cannot teach you. Look on the bright side, at least I ever did taught you! Imagine those who were never taught by me? Aren't they poor things? Haha... Super ego!

I am going off to do some marking and maybe plan a bit of things for my math class... Even now at 11pm you might ask? Ya... Now! Haha!

Christmas BBQ with JJ and Basia's Babies on 22/12/06 (IN PROGRESS)

2006-12-26T23:51:00.000+08:00

The rest of the crew when the 'Hong Xin Da Jiang' when Emcee JJ speaks...

Shaobing: Don't take away the durian puffs... I want MORE MORE MORE...!

Chaoyang/Kevin/JJ and Basia: Ji, Gu, Ba (respectively)

Jason: Make me half squat, make me bbq for you all. At least got presents!

Zest: Let go of my shoulder... I wanna go away!

Dane: SAVE ME! Jiajun is at it AGAIN!

Shanghai Trip (the long and short of it all)

2006-12-21T16:03:00.000+08:00

Just a brief description of the trip:
4/12:
From friday to sun, we conducted trainings there. My R&R began after we left the main group on the 4th. I checked into my hotel room for under S$30, QUEEN-SIZED bed for me! Spent the entire day trying to get the air tickets changed to a later time but wasted an entire day with no fruit. What a waste.

5/12:
The next day, we went about to get the Train tickets to Hangzhou and the bus tickets to ZhouZhuang. Then we shopped around Shanghai and site see a bit of everything.

6/12:
Went over to Hangzhou by train. Looked at Westlake, Yue Fei's Shrine, Silk Factory, Cultural Centre and some Temple called LingYing Temple. Reached Shanghai in the evening and had an early night rest to go ZhouZhuang early next day.

7/12:
Wento over to Zhou Zhuang, looked around the place. Left by noon back for Shanghai and then shopped around before proceeding over to Faith's member place for dinner.

8/12:
Shopped at Qi Pu Lu (a wholesale centre- bags for as low as few dollars sing) for the entire day before heading back to meet our members for dinner at some steamboat place. Then we went off to the BUND area to look around and bask in the romantic atmosphere. There were sparks flying but not from me. Haha...

9/12:
Shopping at Qi Pu Lu again till we rushed back to hotel to pack and leave for Singapore. Joined my entourage of 4 gals to airport to meet the other gal. Total 5 gals!

My hotel room for less than S$30 for a night after we left from the main group

Night view of Cheng Huang Temple Area

Night view of the commercial area from around our hotel

Setting off to Hangzhou on a 2h plus train ride from Shanghai Train Station

Reaching Westlake

Yue Fei Miao or Yue Fei Shrine 岳飞庙

The Villian & his wife that caused Yue Fei's death. No longer allowed spitting at them. They are also the origin of you tiao 油条.

Yue Fei's Tomb

At some cultural centre (pretty much like our Tang City)

Traditional blacksmith in those times of long long ago... (inside the cultural centre)

Me posing at some man-made waterfall (inside the cultural centre)

Some performance inside the cultural centre

Some other photo at the cultural centre

Shanghai Trip (Version 3) Day at ZhouZhuang　周庄　7/12/06

2006-12-21T15:42:00.000+08:00

Me walking through the aisle of someone's home

Just a long stretch of jetty

Travelling from Zhou Zhuang 周庄 back to bus terminal

Me posing with some Mandarin Ducks in the background at some old guy's residence

Me posing with one of the few famous arch bridges (in the background)

Shanghai Trip (Version 2)

2006-12-21T11:04:00.000+08:00

Part of the gang taking photos at the Bund area after pipping hot steamboat dinner 8/12/06

The romantic BUND night scenery 8/12/06

Food spread available at the Famous 南翊楼 NanYi Lou, which is located at 城皇庙Chenghuang Temple. 6/12/06

View outside 南翊楼 Nanyi Lou 6/12/06

Making Silk Blankets at Hangzhou 杭州 6/12/06

Views of 西湖 Westlake 6/12/06

Dinner at Faith's Group Member's Place - Gal in middle (greenish blue) 7/12/06

JR's Tribe Youth Camp - 15-17 Dec 2006

2006-12-20T23:03:00.000+08:00

What an extraordinary camp! The camp was great for us, especially the games we planned. These games were fun and extraordinary because they were mostly original. I think we had very creative juices running through our veins. Jiajun, Chaoyang, Sim Chun, Basia, Peyling and myself.

Most of the games were original and were linked back to the entire camp's theme. We based the camp's camps as missions in Professor Charles Xavier's school of mutants, aka X-Men. Overcoming villians, saving civilians were part of the training. They had to use their powers to accomplish their missions. Cool? I think so even if you don't! What is more amazing was the fact that the timeframe we had to produce the games. It was like in a matter of at most 3 big meetings.

Really extraordinary was the fact that this is almost impossible without God! All praise and glory goes to God! Here are some snippets of photos taken during the camp:

Stoning after the games!

Omega Red's Station

Pyro's Station

Saving Professor Jeff after conquering the Sentinels of THE TOWER of TERROR!

Toad's Station

Mystic's Station

Me at Minefield whereby they had to transport their 'civilians' across the maze laid out!

What is Extraordinary?

2006-12-20T22:32:00.000+08:00

Ponder this: What makes me an extraordinary person?

(Don't get me wrong! I am not on an ego trip and saying that I am extraordinary.) But how do I achieve the purpose of being extraordinary?

As the year draws to a close, another chapter in my life is written. I look back and indeed God has been good. There were many miracles that happened. Too many to describe... TO many to list...

I could have turned out to be very different! I could have ended up at the best secondary school, JC and Univeristy course and .... Then I would come out as a successful man, driven, with a clear purpose but is this the will of God for my life? I doubt so!

He allowed me to have leukemia and an opening to know about who He is and His love for me. I found a purpose to live this life. Though driven but by another force and not for oneself. This purpose is to make known His name and glorify Him with my life. I have seen and stared death in my face.

So don't 'bull*#%!' to me about me losing focus in life. Just like in the book of Ecclesiastes, written by Solomon, life is meaningless. He was probably the richest and wisest and with the most wives and the most in many aspects but he found life meaningless. I do too till I found Jesus. Not that I am always focused and driven (human system error) but I know this purpose is God-given and must be the one that keeps me going and driven, else life is really meaningless.

Believe Him to do the impossible. I mean, it is so difficult at times. I know. If He can use me, what else can't He do? He is never going to just appear and show Himself and ask people to believe. He uses people like you and me to see His vision done through us. However, we need to have that faith to believe we can do it!

Being an example for others is hard. Am I an example? Only those around me are clear. I know I am not perfect. I do what I can, I guess. I will still have people who do not like me but it's ok. If I am wrong, I will apologise. If I am not, the fault does not lie with me so what else can I do? The key is to seek God and ask God to show my conscience to see if it's clear.

The KEY: I AM EXTRAORDINARY WHEN I BELIEVE I CAN ACHIEVE THE EXTRAORDINARY THINGS THROUGH AN EXTRAORDINARY GOD!

Back From Shanghai (Version 1)

2006-12-12T10:37:00.000+08:00

It was a hectic 1st few days in Shanghai. Having to plan the lessons for the Team Building Package we have to deliver. Then there were so many changes but I think we all enjoyed it after discussing how we felt. Working hard was 'siong' but it was also enjoyable.

A lot of apprehension was expected as there were many things not really certain but as things went on, it ironed out itself. Made many new Shanghainese friends. My group had many girls and I was swamped by them by the 2nd day. I didn't expect my popularity to be that high. Haha.

The trip was divided into 2 portions (at least from my end). The 1st portion was the teaching, facilitaion and planning. Once that was done and dusted, a few of us extended and played our hearts out. Went shopping like crazy. Bought gifts for people! During the stay, we also met up with some of our various group members for dinner and just some time of hanging together. What we all felt was the warmth and love that they gave us. They were willing to help us even if they had to go all the way... What lovely people! The food was also great...! Yummy!

In between, we travelled to Hangzhou and Zhou Zhuang. Played around, shopped around, ate around...! Took a 2h train ride to Hangzhou and a 2h ride back. Went to see the Xi Hu (Westlake). The real one, not the Singapore version. Haha.

When I left for S'pore, my group members came to the airport to send me. 5 gals! Haha! I didnt lie when I said I was popular, did I?

Shanghai Trip

2006-11-29T17:26:00.000+08:00

Finally finishing my work more or less. However, coming back from my trip, I would have to look at them again. I am not going to be bothered by all these things yet.

I am going to Shanghai with TCSI for a Service Learning Trip. Afterwhich, I am going to extend my stay there and your around China a little! It would be a good week plus. I just need the break to get away from all these things for a while. It's driving me nuts. Too many things to do and so little time. I need to go enjoy myself!

This period, I will miss a few things:

1. Going to service and playing with the youths that are in J.J's cell group
2. Catching up with my "bro", Kevin who is back from his OBS trip. How I miss those times we spend time to chat and play games and do nonsense!
3. My volleyballers. They are a batch of students who are always close to my heart. They need to train hard so that they may perform well for the upcoming competitions. They are really capable of doing well if they put their heart and mind into it!
4. My family. We do have our ups and downs but which family doesn't?

I just think I am going to end here for now. Nothing much to say except that it's a good time to rest in God as well and talk to Him more.
In the end times, when it does comes, it's going to be hard for christians to survive unless they are close to God...! I really need to buck up in my current state to pursue Him more.

Why, people may ask? There is no other way! I mean, it sounds difficult... It is difficult but yet why try? If I do not, I will and might be one of those sickening teachers people read in the newspapers! It is just so easy to be evil if we are not careful. People of principle will still be vulnerable. The only way, I feel is to know God and have Him guide one through all the temptations! That's why! It's just so easy to be decieved... The devil's an adversary that is cunning and has been at this temptation tricks for God knows how long! Only God knows how long it has been...

FInally a new entry

2006-11-20T21:11:00.000+08:00

Madness, headaches, deadlines.... These are just a few words to describe the past 2 weeks or so.

Trying to tie up a few things before going on my trip. Work work work.... Well, I have lost track of time each day. Work till night, dinner, work, sleep and same cycle. At least now slightly better as I have completed a few of the things that I needed to do.

I have finished on:
1. My 2 sets of SOWs
2. My 2 sets of Lesson Package
3. My 2 sets of E-learning lesson plans
4. My 2 sets of Mini-projects
5. Draft of my Work Review
6. Draft of my China Trip's Lesson Package
7. Draft of my Volleyball Trip's proposal
8. Draft of PE assessment

Many more yet to accomplish but one step at a time, I guess. No point hurrying because I am feeling the effects of stress creeping in. I need to rest in God liao. Else, I think I might go nuts... Which I think many will already testify that I am quite a nutty person. It is life as such for me so far.

Cannot wait though for my Bro-in-Christ to be back from his OBS trip. It's been a good long 3 weeks. Wonder how he is. Soon, I will fly off to China to conduct lessons on team-building. In mandarin of course... They said it would be bilingual but I anticipate it to be more mandarin in nature. Cannot wait to go and enjoy myself along the way either. But as it draws closer, it also means more work to tie up loose ends.

KEVIN, My dear brother-in-Him

2006-10-29T22:30:00.000+08:00

My dear brother in Christ is going into OBS for 3weeks. Boy, am I going to miss his crazy company and the way he assists me when I have been injured. It has been such a lovely time we shared. The love that brothers share... Please don't think of us as GAY kinda gay but gay as in happy! We really had some good times together playing PS2, chilling out as well.

I mean when we play, we are like 2 overgrown kids. However, we do compete but never allow the competition to sour our friendship because winning is secondary but friendship is number one! You3 Yi4 Wan4 Shui4! Just hope he will shine for Jesus in OBS. Jiayou, pilot buddy!

Anyway, gotta go rest liao. Monday is a long day. Invigilation from 7am till noon. Then meeting in school from 130pm till about 6pm. Need my beauty's rest! I am a beauty only because I am made by Him. A wonderfully and fearfully made creation! Goodnight blog!!

WHY NO BLOG? WHY?

2006-10-29T21:36:00.000+08:00

Some people wonder why I have not blogged for a while. Let me explain my schedule.

MONDAY: I was having morning dealing with the class and then had the thanksgiving service. After the thanksgiving service, I had to go for a meeting till about 6pm. Then after that meeting, I rushed off to church to have another meeting for church ministry work. When I reached home and finally rested, it was way past midnight. But that was also because after the meeting, I hung around with some friends to play pool. Just thought of hanging out to chill and relax.

TUESDAY: Though tuesday was a holiday, I woke up a bit later but had to type some work for the Mathematics department to hand in on thursday. It was just 4 pages full to type with own reflections to fill in. Tuesday, my mother suggested I join my uncles and aunties to look at cars. I joined in without realising I sepnt the entire afternoon away. Then I rushed home to wash up and get ready to travel to Serangoon to meet Sophia and gang to attend a meeting for a China service learning trip. It took all the way till 10plus before I finally got to leave. When I reached home, it was about 11plus, close to midnight!

WEDNESDAY: I had to wake up, continue with my report and then prepare to go for my invigilation briefing. After the briefing, I chilled with my colleagues for a while before going home to complete my report. I finished everything by about 10plus. Then I slept.

THURSDAY: Woke up at 5plus to reach school at 6am. To slot the result slips into the report books. Plus I had to prepare some other work to pass to the students. In general, after that, I met parents from 7am till about 1plus 2 pm. Had lunch and then attend another meeting which lasted till about 6pm. After that, went home to rest and prepare for the next day's work. Had to plan end of year work for class before dismissing them.

FRIDAY: Last day of school, none stop action. Met the class in the morning from 745 till 915am. They had recess from 915am till 945am. I had to settle administration and many other matters. Then the short 30 min break for me to catch my breathe. After that, had the emergency exercise till about way past 11plus 12pm. Had lunch then sat through the debrief of the entire event till about 3plus. Then was asked to evacuate school for real as the Principal wants to celebrate the year at Safra. So had to pack and leave. Had some alone time with colleagues from 4pm till 6pm. Then Principal summed up a few things before we proceeded for dinner. When all ended, it was already about 9plus, including a slower dinner. Reached home, had to settle volleyball fixtures. Pulled out all the dates and plan manpower. Who to take the trainings in school and who to bring the teams out, and even having to factor the O level invigilation dates. Took me until about 11plus.

SATURDAY: Went back to school to settle volleyball CCA matters. Reached school at 8am. Settled a lot of paper work, to plan my volleyball match stuff, prepare consent forms and stuff. When I finally finished, went lunch and then sat around to see my B boys train till 5plus. Got home at 545pm, waited a while for Kevin to come my place. Then we proceeded to IMM for dinner with my mum and auntie, to meet my bro & his wife to be. Then shopped at Daiso till about 9plus 10pm. Came home to rest and chat with this bro of mine who is going into OBS for 21days (cos SIA poilet training). Then chatted till we slept because next day must go church.

SUNDAY: Met the cell adults at 10plus to pray and discuss matters. Then officially had cell at 11plus till 1plus. Went to service, had dinner at Changi with some of the youths, together with the adults in the cell. Came home and finally blogged.

IT HAS BEEN A CRAZY WORK WEEK WITH SOME SOCIAL INTERACTION!

What a week it has been. Madness in so many things to meet the deadlines. I am going to collapse at times. Furthermore, when I tried to walk without crutches, my ankle is still sore and painful. The healing is so slow that it is making me sian! I am also affected by the work load. So many deadlines that sometimes I seem to be unhappy and just wish to grumble and not want to do it. Also, reasons upon reasons, it's making this storm of my life unbearable!

God is teaching me a lesson in all these events. He wants me to seek Him and process my emotions with Him, to find my purpose in all that I do once more. What is my talents? What is my role and purpose in teaching? Where has this passion gone to? Has my vision for my role in teaching been disillusioned by the lies and business of work? All these questions, I may not have the answers now. I am really lost and frustrated by many things but I believe!! I truly do believe that God will see me through all these....

I believe my leg would be healed completely in Jesus name! I believe that this season is a period of moulding and submission to my relevant authorithies and do what I must, despite not liking these things at times. I really need to ask God for His vision and passion to do these things which are necessary. I guess the most important thing now is to sort my feelings with Him and capture the passion once again. To know His love for me and His love for the things and people I deal with, more so with the people. That, I must not lose sight! Once all these are settled, the rest are simplier! I will become an eagle which will soar above the storm clouds and not be troubled by circumstances because God is SOVEREIGN! God help me ba...... PAPA, I NEED YOU!!!

STARTED VOLLEYBALL TRAINING

2006-10-20T21:15:00.000+08:00

This week, I started volleyball training for my teams. I guess I was disappointed with some of their attitude towards the team and me. No decency to tell me if they are not coming for training. Neither did they show commitment. Some even lied to me. I am happy with those who are honest and did not come. I feel very upset this week over some of them.... Even some people, I have seen their character change. Is this really going to be a generation that makes me feel that I am fighting a losing battle to educate? I am really at a loss at times. God help me to help them. Grant me the patience and acceptance.

In a famous quote:
" God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference!"

I guess I really need that to sink in me once again.

Not just for them but for myself to find an inner peace. God is reminding me that there are many things that will happen that are beyond my control but I must still choose my response. There are many ways to react but not all are correct. I guess this is a lesson that I am still going through and learning... I really hope those students who read my blog knows my heart for them and really do not disappoint themselves more than me...!

In School With Pink - Mixed Reviews

2006-10-19T21:27:00.000+08:00

I was in pink today. The same pink top in my blog. Here are some comments from my 'supporters' in school:

NICE
SEXY
HANDSOME
GAY
GOOD
BRIGHT

Well, doesn't matter what I do or wear, there will be some who like & some who do not. What more can I say? Except this, don't be jealous if you cannot carry off pink! Haha... I am tanned, that's why I look good in pink. My character also suits pink. Some wear look gay but I don't think I do...! *bleah* =P

In A BuSy WeEk oF wOrK

2006-10-13T21:35:00.000+08:00

Time flew by so quickly that I really lost track of it. This week started with the remaining exams for the students. I was busy marking and invigilating for the entire week, marking 7 stacks of papers! Not a lot hor when you consider 7 classes of about an average of 35 students, of about 10-12 questions per piece so that amounts to peanuts, right? WRONG! I used 5 hours to mark 4 questions in 3 stacks, averaging about 37 students per class/stack. Must make sure marking is consistent, no errors in their workings, adding up marks and stuff...

Mark until BLUR BLUR...!

A highlight for me this week was my new Ipod, all 30G of it! Played with it and got it working...! Yeah. Nice music and things to keep me occupied other than marking.

After marking, have to maker's report and something called compilation. Marker's report was to describe how students fared per question of each paper that I mark. Then compilation was to compile the students' grades and analyse how many distinctions, passes and failures. Also must prepare why students fared in such a manner.

Then got to start preparing comments for my form class. Their attitudes, character and their academic results in the commennts. You might think it is easy but boy, you are wrong, my friend! I spent about 9 hours, including lunch breaks and other breaks (about 20 students)! Total maybe at least 6-7 hours if you really put thought and effort into writing them.

Well, had to prepare CCA schedule and matters for holidays to send to students before they break for holidays so that I do not cause parents unduly trouble to plan for holidays. Then I needed to prepare information for registration of CCA matches.

The other highlight for me this week was today! I was going for breakfast and I met one of the graduating classes, 4F. The girls came to ask me to take photo with them! I taught them last year for PE. Something happened back last year in September(read my older blog in friendster). It brought us closer, even the guys! Just that the girls came to ask me for photo. I was quite taken aback! I am going to miss this class of lovely angels who stole my heart away!

The highlight was not the girls la... Really! Serious! The point was that they kinda remembered me and things like that. It is something that teachers will understand. Furthermore, this class knew how to rob me of my heart... through their actions, sweet actions!

4I asked me to take photo with them too. Well, they are already on their way out of school as they have finished their N level. 5A & 5B, just came into 4F's classroom, took me by suprise by crowding all around me to take photo. They did that to whichever teacher they found. Madness I say, madness! Will load those photos when I get them... Gonna go off liao. Gotta rest soon. Tommorrow start CCA training liao! In the morning so must rest!

Pretty Handsome in Pink or just Pretty in Pink?

2006-10-07T23:18:00.000+08:00

Pretty in pink? I think I look good in pink! These photos were taken some time back... About 3 sundays ago. Just got my hands on them. Think I look natural in them.... So pretty in pink!!! I mean pretty handsome in pink!

ChiLL

2006-10-07T14:24:00.000+08:00

Chilled beer on a chilling kinda afternoon at a chill place with a chilling fren....! I am going out in this hazy condition... Nuts! Yeah...! Beats being cooped up at home! Well... Will update my week later tonight. Gotta go chill! Exam papers marked...! Still have new ones to come in but oh well... Each step as it goes...!

ImPeReCtIoN

2006-10-02T22:32:00.000+08:00

The world is imperfect. The people in it too. In church, sometimes, we expect more from people because we expect religious people to be able to see more and do more. However, it is untrue at times. I stood at expo with my crutch and noone was offering any help. I sat down near the toilet on the floor. ALONE...! Poor thing?

Then God told me the reason that why I felt alone and not really cared for is because of my expectations of people to be considerate and caring. However, it is so far from the truth. People are inherently selfish and can do kind stuff only when they are filled with love, a pure love from God.

Then He made me realised how imperfect this church was but He was still using it. When Pastor Khong's family shared about their struggles and I realised that they were struggling too. They are imperfect family. Pastor Khong is also an imperfect man, an imperfect father. He pretty much grew up with the problem of having an absent father who died when Pastor Khong was at an early age. Then his kids also had an absent father in the sense that Pastor Khong had to travel much. The church and ministry also had little of their spiritual father.

What does all these means? It meant that FCBC lacks in fatherhood, which has been how it had been for a while. Pastor Khong is managing to find his way around fatherhood, figuring along as he grows in this area. That is why many people in FCBC leave because they feel there is more to church than all these things we do. I do agree there are times to move on and there are times to stay put.

However, the key is this: Even imperfect, what is my choice? Or rather, what is God's best choice for me?

I know he has a plan for me in FCBC. I will serve Him and love the imperfect chuch. In the meantime, I will look for a father, a mentor, a brother to walk this journey, to run this race with me...! Even so, all is not perfect. Just take it as it comes...! In His time, He makes all things beautiful!

It's the same with any place. Imperfection is everywhere. 1 things I know is this! Be like David. Recognise that the leader is God's elect and God's elite. What we do is pray for them and serve them because it it God's will. Likewise, in any organization, there will be leaders that are imperfect but God has placed them there. We live our lives the way God has intended in this imperfect world...!

My SiAn LeG....

2006-10-02T21:03:00.000+08:00

Today went for my medical review. Doctor that I saw was not the usual one. He said that my ankle is going to suffer even when I recover 'fully'...! He said it can never be 100%. He also said I might have difficulty in sports in future....! Sian sian sian! How? Why? So many questions... So many unknowns! He was so negative... Didnt give me good vibes. Made me sianz! Doctors are supposed to help people get better and feel better. What a doctor!

Obscene?

2006-09-30T14:47:00.000+08:00

I got this from a student... She said I obscene. I was stunned. I was seated down, leg crossed, wearing track pants and a normal t-shirt teaching and briefing my female students. Then I wondered why she said that. I wondered if my underwear was exposed or anything and in what way I was obscene lo. Guess what? She peeped through my sleeve and saw my arm pit... She said that was obscene! Peng liao lo. Next time, I must wrap myself in layers of cloth and pespire to death in the hot sun to protect my modesty!? Students hor...! The things that they say... Worse is she peep at my arm pit lo. Not like I am parading it!

A Week in School on Crutch

2006-09-29T22:27:00.000+08:00

Walking up and down and everywhere on crutch for the entire week. Students here and there asking me why and what happened... The reflief for my PE lesson was injured on Thursday and so Friday last week and this week, I took my PE classes with crutch. Then she came back to help relief on Wednesday but I was also around to teach n crutch. Amazing... A pai kar teach PE lei!!

So I got back into the mood of things slowly but surely. Did some work and teaching in class. Stand and sit to teach. Climb up and down the stairs to class for mathematics and lifeskill classes. But I still think most amazing is to teach PE with crutch. I miss all classes a lot because of the relationship. Each class is special to me in their own ways.

Well, had to sit through some trainings that I almost died. Had to prepare for some emergency exercise lo... Then I was like saying, if the school had a fire, I am sure first to die liao... Haha... Then we had some practice session. We made a lot of noise and had a bit of fun la. It was great but just that it ended at about 7pm. Had to meet a parent as well to discuss his son's conitual absence from school. Been such a week of being busy. Preaparing exam papers for printing and meet parents and teach class and....

Then Principal within the week got come look for me after her meeting. She passed by my seat and she popped by to speak to me... I think I still have favour in the school. I asked my class to go church also. Hope they can go.... I gave them my telephone number to arrange with me...

Most fun thing of the week is to chat with my classes. Also, I got to chat with the relief teacher. She got injured when she sprained her ankle on Thursday. My friends all said must be my 'feng shui' of my seat. Haha... It's been a tiring but a fun week...!

Week's Progress & Going Back To School

2006-09-24T21:19:00.000+08:00

A week of waiting for friday to go back to school. A week of spending time with my brother-in-christ, Kevin. We chilled together like on tue, wed, thurs (went to Orchard), fri, sat & sun... For this whole entire week, we played games, chatted, do boliao stuff... The fun part was when he came on thurs and we went Orchard to sit at Lido, talk nonsense. Then we also talked about many things la... Serious things lo. Like why we so handsome... Haha... We then proceeded to Wistma Foodcourt to whack makan. 2 guys spent $25 on food. When we finished the first serving and Kevin came back with the second round, the girls facing our tables were shocked! Haha... I think most who read this entry also shock! We also talked abt someone we nicknamed "Ronaldhino"...! So much fun in a long long time.

Then he came and join my family for dinner on saturday night. We ate a lot of stuff. He joined me, my mum, my aunties (1 each from paternal & maternal), my cousin, my bro & his future wife. Ate Prawn Paste Chicken, XO Toufu, Belachan KangKong, Furong Egg, XO Fish Mee Fun and Sweet Sour Pork. Shiok! Then he stayed over at my place with laptop hooking on to my wireless access. We use MSN to communicate nonsense again. How fun was that?! Boliao but fun! We watched soccer with my cousin before we all turned in. Then sun, we go church together and chilled out till about just an hour ago before we parted ways... Cool brother... Any gals interested, give me a call. Can intro... Haha...

It's been so long since I went back to school. Friday was the day lo. How was it, some might ask? Well, it was generally pretty smooth sailing. My friend came and fetch me in the morning. I slept only 3hours plus. Dunno why cannot sleep well. Well, went back, colleagues all greeted me & said hi. Attended assembly and then had to supervise PE lesson because the relief teacher taking over me for PE sprained her ankle the day before. What a coincidence! Then I sat in to my maths' class. The teacher had little rapport with my class. I decided that I had to do something about it... I am taking over my class again for maths on monday. Must do it, for their sake because exams are near! Cannot afford to waste time liao! Anyway, I think the day was pretty smooth for my first day back. I had many curious onlookers and really students who kept asking me. Received some belated Teachers' Day Presents. Pretty cool! Going back agian tommorrow! Yeah... But also sianz because back to the real world of work!

One thing about saturday was that I helped students study for their N level by having them come my house! I think they have benefitted much from my coaching and I think they are able to learn. That's the most key thing for me! Shaobing is one of them. He was so depressed and wanted to give up but I can see that he is trying hard to study now. Jiayou ba. He stayed at my house from 11am till 630pm. To do work and play la. Zest left earlier to help another of my students, Nada, whom is not allowed to leave the house. I think Zest is more than able to help some people liao!

Anyway, what I am saying here is I had a great week! Pretty cool because You3 Yi4 Wan4 Shui4! Haha... Kevin knows what this means! It was a fruitful week in many ways!

Why Some People Hate Me?

2006-09-21T00:42:00.000+08:00

I heard that there are some students that do not like me.... Oh well, I can never please everyone. Being playful, I think I may have ruffled a few students' feathers. I also guess many a times they misinterpret intent. Guess I have to suffer the consequences of my actions la! I guess we are all human. We make mistakes. Best is to learn quick and grow up quick! But sometimes so difficult to change. Must make effort lo...! Another short blog entry...!

Why call me Ah Ong?

2006-09-21T00:32:00.000+08:00

I keep getting a lady call me, asking for Ah Ong... It has been ongoing for a few months. I tried to tell the lady that there is no AH ONG lei. Many times but she still seems to keep asking the same questions.... Irritating la. I wonder if she got the wrong number through dialing or the line is crossed.

I think I shall do what ChaoYang suggested to me.

Me:"Hello? Ya, I am Ah Ong!"
Lady:"Are you sure u are Ong?"
Me:"Are you sure?"
Lady:"You are not Ong la!"
Me:"Thanks for telling me that I am not Ong. I was pretty sure I was not. Then not so sure after you keep calling me Ong. Now you say I am not again! How confusing!"

Haha...! Just a boliao blog entry!

Reporting Back

2006-09-18T15:23:00.000+08:00

I am into my last few days of hospitalisation leave. Going back to school this friday. How do I feel?

Excited - to go back and see all my 'babies'! My form class and CCA as well.
Worried/ anxious - how to adapt back to the pace of school life after 2 months of absence. How things are arranged for me to go back as I will still be on crutch around school.
Refreshed - to go back energised after a good unexpected break.
Motivated - to help my students study and pass exams and hopefully invite them to church!
Engaged - to have more things to keep me occupied and not so free.

I really think going back has its pros & cons. The most important is to go back to my form class because they are like 'fatherless' throughout this time. Many of them are 'crying' for me to go back. Poor things! Teachers' Day, all celebrated with their form teachers. My class couldn't...!

Next is my volleyballers...! They may have stopped training but I really miss them too. The B divisions are close to me because of the Bangkok Trip. My C divisions are also close to me because I spent a lot of time teaching them and helping them. I am also close to them because mainly they are the secondary ones, whom I teach for PE.

Life will go on this friday. In anticipation and anxiousness....! Akan Datang for how I feel on the actual day...!

Inconsiderate People Part 2

2006-09-16T00:17:00.000+08:00

Smoking in your toilet in a HDB flat but smoke comes up and stinks my room as well... Coughi!!
Pang sai or pang jio (shit or pee) on the toilet bowl seat... Can aim properly or not?
Put bag on a seat that you obviously don't need... Unless your bum too big?!
Cannot wait to light that cigarette till you get out of the lift? Since you killing yourself with smoke, can't you wait a while longer to die? Don't kill people around you.
Go to a fast food chain and cannot decide what you wish to order despite being in the queue for a good 10-15minutes. There are many people waiting behind you...!
You get down a bus and someone steps your leg from behind. You expect a sorry but all you hear is: Why you cannot walk faster? How to see behind me leh?
People who pang sai on the bus!!! Please la... You want to do it also don't do it right in the middle of the upper deck...!
Take lift or train must always rush to be number one, despite others who seem to need to get in first more, like the pai kar or handicapped, elderly or with kids type...

Just a few more but more will come as we all know how Singaporeans can be...! Stay tuned!

NEW BLOG!!

2006-09-15T17:30:00.000+08:00

HEY all!!

i have changed my blog n now it is http://coachlum2.blogspot.com
u can get linked there from my links.. it's under MY NEW BLOG..

thx!! =D

JeSuS FrEaK

2006-09-15T16:55:00.000+08:00

JeSuS FrEaK - Stand out for Jesus!

Do not bother with how peopl view of you as you live a life that is different from the norm, the world's standards! We are different! We are freaks to them!

As there is a generation of christians that are matyred for God, we look at our freedom of worship and stuff but yet we do not treasure such liberty. How ironic? It is those in difficult situations that treasure God & His word more! We need to buck up, wake up & give ourselves a boot!

These christians can lay down their lives for Him. They care not for their own!

What about us?
Our response: I may not get to die for Him but I shall live for Him!

Last Sun Service

2006-09-12T15:57:00.000+08:00

What happened during last sun service? I went to church early and had time to sit around. As I did, I read through Ps 34, a passage for this season:

The Lord showed me a few things:
1. That in the passage, we can divide it into problems that we might face
2. The solutions that we can employ
3. The effects that these solutions can have in our lives

Next, I was also showed these:
1. In the earlier verses showed thanksgiving of God for His works and for who He is.
2. Then it was shown that we need to listen to Him (how? Through His words and His Spirit) to learn the fear of the Lord so that we can lead our lives for Him, IN ACTION & SPEECH!
3.In the last part, it shows how our lives are blessed through the above actions.

Simple passage yet much truth!

Then it was joining Jiajun's cell and having some fun with the youths before service! Service was great as usual! Then we had discussions and prayers! I sense the Lord using me again as I avail myself to Him! How long it has been! Then dinner with some cool people and going home..! How I love sundays and church and the people!

After Screw Removal

2006-09-12T15:47:00.000+08:00

Doctor said after my review yesterday that I have to wait another 2-3 weeks before I can be fully free of my clutch! However, I am going back to teach on the 22nd of Sept. How to walk around school lei? Only God knows! How to get to school? Probably only by taxi liao?!? Not much that I can do for now!

Love of God....

2006-09-09T13:46:00.000+08:00

God loves you!

Wait a minute to reflect what this statement means! What does it mean when He says He loves you?

For many of us, we are/ need to be DECIEVED by the Devil with lies about His love.

Many of us feel ashamed to approach Him because of our lives, of our sins, of whatever reasons. Some may be hurt and they do not wish to open their lives to accept love for they fear being hurt again. Many are also hurt that they dare not face God's love for the opening of their wounds trigger strong pain. These hurts can come from people, even in the community of church. In these cases, many decide to run away from His love. I did once, try to run away from Him in a camp. I hid everywhere possible, from people, from Him, even in the toilet... I still cried in the toilet for I felt His love. This was when I understood Ps 139, where can I escape His Presence.... Where?!

Some people also though they are in a group of believers do not believe that they belong. The feeling of isolation and just alone despite in a group of many people. I guess that's when we question God if we are in the right group. So many peopl leave church because of the people and not God. Many leave because they feel no love from church people. It is what they focus on though they should focus on God. I know it is not easy especially when expectations of your cell group is there but many times, they disappoint you the most. There can be so little grace and tolerance in the cell at times. These peopl even 'suan' you till you are hurt. Let's not forget these people are not perfect and what we can do is learn how to deal with them and help them too. But many times we focus on our pain and self-pity that we are decieved and we run away from cell, church and God!

Also, there are many who are in deep trouble or problems that they feel God has forsaken them or they do not understand why they are going through certain things. It is a process of moulding. It is also a consequence of the actions we have taken. There are so many reasons but yet we choose to blame God. It is the easiest thing to do. We always find someone to blame but never ourselves. I do not mean go finding fault with yourself and put yourself through a guilt trip.

There are many reasons why we are decieved. These are just a few that I find very common, particularly for myself.

However, God wants to DELIVER us from these lies! He wants us to know the truth and the way to a happy life! We often forget that we can approach Him without shame for He does not condemn! He accepts us the way we are. He has made us in His image. When we condemn ourselves, we say this: "Wa Kaoz, God huh, You make mistake la, make me until like this!" He cannot be wrong! It's just not possible. So we need to know Him and our worth in Him! Else, we are decieved and we are robbed of the life we deserve! We approach Him in boldness for what Christ has done and in doing so, we can commune with Him and know His will. Then we will lead a life that truly glorifies God. It is also to our own benefit!

Finally, we will lead a DYNAMIC life that is different! We have the power to be different from the world, to live a life of morals that we can hold fast. That is a supernatural life, a life governed and given by God. How often we miss what He has to offer us... This life is simple when we ask God the Father for help, submit ourselves to Jesus our Lord and commune with His Spirit who empowers, edifies and everything else!

Blog Life Can Resume...!

2006-09-09T13:44:00.000+08:00

Finally managed to fix my computer. Finally can get online. Finally can blog! Irritating spywares... Corrupt my computer...

InCoNsIdErAtE PeOpLe...!

2006-08-29T14:59:00.000+08:00

Tak boleh tahan!

How inconsiderate can S'poreans be?

Overtake me in taxi queue and act blur especially when I was on clutches and standing.
Newpaper: Shoppers hog lift and do not care about the SCDF crew (when there was a SCDF crew trying to get patient to the groundfloor) All they cared about was which floor they should go for shopping, which made the lift stop at every floor.
Doors of MRT crowded by incoming passengers! How to go in when those inside cannot come out?
Throw rubbish or litter everywhere just because not their home.
Talk loudly in cinema when show was reaching its climatic peak. When someone was dying and saying his last words and you are moved to tears, u hear someone pick up his phone & say a LOUD HELLO!

Many more but I cannot think now. Give me ideas? Maybe I can update!

SeRvIcE, FuN WiTh BaNd oF BrOtHeRs & SoMe ThOuGhTs aBt LoVe

2006-08-29T14:17:00.000+08:00

Went service again this week with help from my cell group and a blessing from my brother-in-Christ, Kevin Tay from my Uni days..! He drove me to church! Been so long since we caught up with each other... He also drove me around when we were back in Uni to pursue our love for pool, together with Say Keat, Shuping too... Those were crazy & fun days... Of course, he would drive me up the wall too, at times! Haha... That's wat friends are for.

Service was good as there was little of His word but more of a time of response! A response to Him. Though the Lord asked us to confess sins and everything else, I felt mine was slightly different. Mine was a question of renewal of my love for Him. I always compared my love with others and said I wasnt that bad... I love Him what!?! However, He told me He want me to compare with His love for me. I knew I had no complaints liao...! How to win? Haha.... My love for Him was so so shallow...!

I responded to Him during alter call and walked forward with my clutches and all. Then He asked me this question:

"Jason, do you love me?" (This love was agape)

I replied:

"Lord, I can only phileos you!"

He then said:

"Feed my sheep!"

Some might wonder the difference... Let me explain:

Agape is sacrificial love. An unconditional love.
Phileos is a friend friend kind of love. Not strong. Least of a degree of 3 levels of love.

I thought I could agape Him but I realised I couldn't... It was not that easy afterall. I mean to love unconditionally and self-sacrificially, it is not natural, only SUPERNATURAL!

I mean we got to really think of what we say when we love something. We love mee siam mia hum! We love our parents/ partners...

Does this equate to our parents or partners or whoever to a plate of mee siam?

I know God is asking me to love Him & serve His people and feed His sheep... I am rising up again to answer a call which I have ran away from, for years for fear of hurts/ pains/ disappointments that I have experienced.

After service, a few of us ex-NTU guys went off to hang out. Kevin Tay, Ben Cheong, Chao Yang, Jiajun and myself! We went to cineleisure and sat down and chatted away, catching up on old times and cracking jokes. What a time! Time flew by. It reached 8plus. Ben showed off his latest catch to us and he went home. Not long after that, we all left too. I walked all the way to Taka basement taxi stand and a taxi gave way to me to cross the road. Cool!

At the taxi stand, Chaoyang & I waited for the taxi in queue. Someone actually moved in front of the line because the couple in front of us were talking and did not notice it! I was ENRAGED!! I was in clutches yet he act blur and just moved forward. Next, he just put on his Ipod earphones and acted like nothing happened! Some other couple did that but they apologised upon discovering their mistake that they overtook us. That's much better. I was on clutches and this guy was so so so ....

But I went home happy that it was a good day that God blessed me with. I really pray for more love and people of Singapore to be more considerate!

Intimacy with God and a life of holines

2006-08-26T18:22:00.000+08:00

Intimacy with God

It was something that sparked me to think: What was worship? Was it just some slow songs, as in "Praise and Worship"?

God told me... No! It was a lifestyle. A life that chooses to please Him and honour Him!

It was not just a life that chooses His ways but also a life that chooses to know Him, to be initmate with God. In Matthew 7, verses 21-23. Jesus spoke to people who called Him Lord that He DID NOT KNOW them! They were people of lawlessness. What a shock these people must have felt? What harsh words!

Yet it is the very essence of christian living, not justone that is holy but one of intimacy with Him. How then to be intimate?

I offer you three points?

Fear of the Lord: Not to be scare of Him but to revere Him. He is the Kig of the Universe! Imagine you were to meet Mr Lee Kwan Yee? How would you treat you?
Humility: Humility also means a surrender to Him. To submit to His will and obey Him. Not partial obedience nor delayed obedience but absolute obedience! many cannot understand why. But what wrong is it to obey someone who knows best? The reason we cannot is we trust Him not to know best. Humility also means to depend on Him for everything and not our own abilities. Humility also means significance rests in Him for apart from Him, we are nothing as all abilities are given by God. We need not strive to proof to Him or anyone.
Time: How can we be intimate to anyone without spending time? We need to proof we have love by giving our time. We cannot expect the other person to give in to us when we do not contribute our time.

Love needs time. Intimacy needs time. Intimacy is an action word. It needs us to make sacrifices...! We cannot just keep telling someone we love them but when they need our time or our help, we tell them we are busy? Come on! We would give time to the person we love regardless how little time we have, right?

Other than action, we need heart also. We cannot do it grudgingly...! Always telling the other person, we did these, we did that. I mean it should be reciprocal but I mean we do not keep counts of the times the other person inconvenienced us! Do it out of a loving heart!

As God reveals more, i will write more! Stay tuned!

WhY I pReFeR sPiDeRmAn...

2006-08-26T17:22:00.000+08:00

Ever wonder why we like certain superheros? Why do we wish to be like them?

Well, I personally prefer spiderman... Why? He is a man with great responsibilities cuz of his great power! Haha... That's besides the point.

He starts out as a loser, whom many people can identify with. We all feel loser at some point..?! For superman, he is an Alien!! I cannot identify with him. Besides, so much for a costume to hide his identity, a pair of spectacles! Oh please!! Another costume no no!! Why wear undies on the outside? Too hurried to save people that he wore his costume first before his undies?

Same for batman! At least he has the decency to cover his face to save himself the embarassment of being recognised with his undies worn outside! Another reason why I cannot identify with him as much was that he was a millionare to began with. So his powers came from gadgets through his money. I do sympathise with his loss of parents though. Can feel his struggle.

That's why I identify with Spiderman's character more. He also lost his foster father, his uncle Ben. He has more internal struggles, making him very human (not exactly, given his powers)! He battles with himself as he grows up, whereas for Batman, though a dark character, is too mature when we meet him, only showing glimpses of his past through his flashes or nightmares.

Spiderman decides to help others at the expense of his own welfare... How noble! He even shuns the love of his life, Mary Jane, to protect her from possible risks for fear that enemies might kill her just to threaten him. His internal struggles through seeking to find answers for himself, to even find out who he is, who he is to become are so intriguing.

Forced by circumstances to be a hero, he chose that path to protect the innocent. I mean, same as the other superheros but this guy just has struggles that made me identify with him more...! So give me spiderman anytime!!!

My Form Class & my Volleyballers

2006-08-23T17:06:00.000+08:00

Wonder who in my form class or which of my volleyballers might read this...?

It's been more than a month after I fell and broke my leg. To be precise, it's been 1 month and 11days!!! I do think of my students... I miss the interaction I have with my form class. They visited me in hospital which was so sweet. My volleyballers wanna come visit me at home. I decided not to allow them to come my house. I still prefer to make my address a secret! Haha... Sorry, students!

I am worried with how many of my class might/might not pass maths. I am worried they start to be quarrelsome again. I am worried they are not studying. I am worried they are not cooperating with one another and with the teachers.

As for my volleyballers, I love to spend time with them all. Regardless which division or which gender... They are my 'babies' too. It is the students that I love but it is also them that drives me MAD!?!

Love hate relationship. I mean there are those who just melts your heart! Well, I mean I hate the administrative work and all that but I love them all!!! I kinda miss them. Some of them sms-ed me & called me to tell them they missed me. Mind you, there are boys too... I am not some heartthrob, making all the gals go gaga..!! How nice to go back soon. Let's keep our fingers crossed and keep praying!

SuN SERVICE...! (20th Aug)

2006-08-22T16:54:00.000+08:00

Indeed it was a sun service! What do I mean? I am still immobile due to my leg so my cell came to my house to have cell group. On top of that, they travelled all the way down. Let me remind our audiences that some of my cell members stayed near Changi Prison and Marine Parade. They came so that I can have cell with them and then later travel to EXPO with them.

We had cell. They carried my bag, helped me climb down stairs and we took a cab to EXPO. They helped me buy food as I was seated down. What SERVICE, right?

Then it all happened so quickly and service was over. They went on their way to their various stuff. As for my leader, he and Jiajun's cell accompanied me to walk from Hall 10 to the MRT station. It was the longest walk in a long time!!! Long long time and a long long walk! It was agony to be so slow. My first outing since I fell on the 12th of July (medical appointments were not included).

We went to Changi Airport for dinner. Dinner at Swenson was fun, with loads of suan-g...! Then with many a pang sai talk!! Haha... It was madness at its best. With Chaoyang & Jiajun around, there is sure to be madness?!

Had to make them all take the lifts with me. Told them I didnt feel comfortable with the escalators. All the way, it was filled with SERVICE, particularly Danae's friend - Adeline Tan, sweet and always thought about my comfort. I don't mean the rest didn't. She was particularly sweet when she went faster ahead to press the lift button so that I didn't have to wait too long.

Time to go home at the end of the day. Took a train from Changi Airport to Redhill MRT. From there, Chaoyang sent me back in a taxi and he brought me upstairs before proceeding home. WHat a SERVICE? But it was also fun, considering I was bored stiff for a month plus. Lying in bed, sitting down and cannot do much. U must also remember that I am a hyper kid too (PE teacher who loves the outdoor!)

To Choose: Skills or Knowledge

2006-08-22T16:36:00.000+08:00

A friend asked me this the other day. She asked me to choose. Which would be more important to me?

Without hesitation, I answered skills. 'Why?', you might ask. Here goes my analogies:

1.soccer:
If you read about soccer, about how to play, you have the knowledge but do you really know how to execute the moves? Or what good is a person who knows all the rules of the soccer game? However, when one possesses the skill to play, the knowledge would come eventually. I feel passion here is more key than anything else. No passion, all is lost!

2. God
I mean many pastors used this illustration. Many bible scholars know aobut God. They know a lot about God. Do they know Him? In an intimate and personal way? How do we know someone? Through interpersonal skill and spending time. I mean you can spend countless hour with someone but still do not know someone if you do not know how to relate.

Thus, I said that skill is important, to know a friend and to know God. Friends and God need us to spend time to relate, which is a skill. Intimacy with someone else cannot be achieved through mere knowing about the person. I know his/her likes and dislikes, I know her character profile but it can never make up for the dynamic situation in a relationship.

Summary:
I am just writing a brief portion of what I know I could elaborate when I engage someone in a chat.

To me, knowledge is headware and skills is more heartware. We cannot actually do one without the other because, we are made in His image. He is both intellectual and affectionate. If we possess only one, we become lop-sided.

As Pastor Khong preached on last sun's sermon, he mentioned that the bible made no distinction between either heart and mind. They were only made so through later years...

However, I believe in being hands-on, to put into practise what we know. Then only would the knowledge become relevant. We can also gain knowledge through trying. Having knowledge may not necessary translate into skills. The probability is so much lower!!

Skills over knowledge! But as I said, we shouldn't operate one without the either for we were not made this way!

LEG LEG LEG

2006-08-13T17:46:00.000+08:00

It's been so so long... I have been out for a month now ever since I broke my leg. Broke my shin bone (fibula for those who knows anatomy) & I also twisted my ankle so badly, kinda like dislocation. What an ordeal!

It happened on the 12th of July when my HOD decided to do something active for our PE meeting. We were trying out some tossing sport. One of my colleague threw the ball over me, way behind my back. I had to leap up & backwards, unaware that there was a soccer ball behind me.

Guess where I had to land? On the soccer ball! Right leg came down on the soccer ball. Body weight comes crashing down due to Newton's Law of Gravity! Ball rows to the right as I am coming down. Leg is twisted right, with ankle twisted up & as I land, leg was at a forty-five degree angle, meaning weight is coming through the middle of the shin. So what happens? SNAP! Yup, I heard it! My friend heard it.

Rushed to NUH's A&E. Took X-rays. To no avail. They detected nothing! Went home. Leg swelled up. Decided something was amiss because I clearly heard a snap & I was told there was no fracture. I went to Raffles Hospital for consultation and had another X-ray done and they discovered that I had the fracture. Now what? Raffles Hospital said I needed an operation costing an estimated sum of $4k! 4 gees? 4 grand! I decided to seek 2nd opinion. So I went back to NUH, demanding to see a specialist!!

I got my wish eventually. Had to be admitted, had to wait for swelling to subside. Then the operation. All went well... Now I am out of the hospital with some extra metal pieces in me. A screw through my ankle & a metal plate for my fracture. When I go through Airport customs, wonder whether I might trigger a metal detector? Haha...! Still can't walk though. It's been so so long since I have been standing or doing something. Getting kinda bored... Anyway, during the hospital stay, many colleagues, friends, students came. So heartwarming... Leaving it for next time.

IQ versus EQ

2006-08-13T02:30:00.000+08:00

What constitutes to IQ or EQ for that matter??

Well, for me, IQ speaks to the HEAD & EQ to the HEART. People relate to one another through these main 2 forms. One is using the intellect, which uses the HEAD. There are those who relates through through the HEART, people whom you can feel sincerity when they ask you how you are doing... People who uses the HEAD, when the same question comes out, it just comes out cold & bland.

I have seen my fair share of people with high IQ but simply low EQ. The way they say & do things are simply a matter of BLACK & WHITE. No space for discussions and they simply follow SOPs. Standard Operating Procedures because they have a preset belief of right and wrong. They do not accept other's opinions of the matter easily. Mainly, a lot of scholars fall into this catergory, with high IQ but simply low EQ. I mean a lot, not all!!! But this has been my experiences so far.

For people with high EQ, they may not necessary lack the IQ but maybe just not as that skyhigh when comparesd with the previous example. Maybe if you look at it, they realised that having the BEST IQ is not everything so they have decided early on, IQ is not all that matters. They rather chill with their friends, spend time kicking a ball & maybe some people's butts along the way & the likes....

So what constitutes to success then? Is it high IQ or high EQ or a matter of both? High IQ gets you to CEOs... But may not make you the most popular man. High EQ can get you into high places too but soon, one comes crashing down. WHY? The higher you go, the low IQ forgets that the air is too thin thus they get lightheaded & KABOOM... Down they fall....

My five cents worth on another topic of life!

Men of Head and Heart

2006-07-10T23:28:00.000+08:00

Men are more head than heart. That's a conclusion. Many times, when men 'feel', they suppress, repress.... These are the ways men deal with emotions. Even though the world is switching to accept men who are SNAGs, many men are still crippled in their emotions.

Many of us men are handicapped to the extent that we do not know how we feel. When we are out of control, we withdraw from others and emotionally, we cannot cope. We will hide and try to sort it out before we come out of that. We do not realise sometimes, we need to talk it out and address the issue.

We are driven by a desire to be in control (even some women nowadays). If we cannot, we would probably use another method, which is indifference. Our security lies in what we can do, in what others' percieve of us. So we react by doing what we know best, using our head to analyse, to deal with what we are experiencing but we fail to realise sometimes, it is the heart that needs the room and space.

Even I am not able to do all that I have said. I am learning once more to listen to my heart, to tell me what I feel. Many times in the past, when things happen, I would use my mind to deal with it because I believe it is a waste of time to dwell on such matters. Sometimes, it is not as simple....! One needs to give the heart the space to feel then the mid process that feeling and then deal with that feeling...!

Many relationships suffer because when we suffer hurts from someone we love, we hide it or suppress... Then we realise much later when we quarrel, we dig up all these! Don't deny!!! We all do, right? So sometimes, we need to confront these issues, considering the best time, place and manner. Tone of voice is important. Like, I felt hurt when you said that because of blah blah... I hope you understand I value our friendship... That is why I need to let you know how I feel... Many such incidents can prevent longer running issues...

My heart is growing but slowly as I had many hurts which I did not know how to deal with back then but only to suppress them. Now I must face all these pains and move on. My mind has grown over the years but not my heart... Now it is time to play catch up. So much to learn... Must be balance!

*Whoever wanna hear long stories can email me & arrange appointment!*

Hahahahahahahaha........ =)

Love, Crushes & Women

2006-07-10T23:17:00.000+08:00

I am not rejected nor dejected....

That's a disclaimer!

Just some thoughts....
Love comes first or crush comes first? Is there love at first sight? Usually, we would like first before we explore so I am a firm believer that love comes with time. To like is to feel and to love is to will... One is more heart and the other goes beyond the heart. LOve comes with time and commitment to someone else. That's why so many people are asking for divorce because they no longer FEEL for each other! Who can feel so much for someone after a long period of time, like 10-20 years? We may feel an obligation at times but that is also not right.

Girls and women are really from another planet from the guys' point of view. Girls look for guys who are humourous, a leader and charming but when girls become older and turn into women, they turn into people with many many concerns. When a guy tries to be friendly, they can get a bit worried. What's wrong with making new friends? It's not as if one is asking you to be a soul mate and pour your heart out. They really guard their hearts like crazy...! Oh well.... At least that's how I feel about it. At least that's christian women. Oh well... I cannot understand the rationale...

It's a matter of perceptions and feel... Just some thoughts... Ladies, don't get upset! It is just some thoughts...

Finally Holidays...

2006-05-30T16:23:00.000+08:00

Holidays are here... Well, after the crazy week of work, did some crazy playing.

Thursday, after the STAFF DEVELOPMENTDAY at zoo, went to JB for seafood dinner!!! Simply cool. Came back to S'pore only at midnight. Still had to wake up early to prepare to go Ubin the next day...!

Well, went Ubin to cycle after so long... Cycled like a few hours, up & down slopes with my "FSG" group then went East Coast Rd for dinner. Yummy.... HK Cafe..!

Soccer on saturday and sunday...! Well, sunday, brought parents to the other outlet of the HK Cafe at Novena..! Eventful rest after heavy work loads.... Now back in school marking after yesterday's invigilation....!

Catcha later...

CrAzY WeEk

2006-05-17T21:32:00.000+08:00

It is an absolutely crazy week!!!

Can die...! Why? Well, I have to finish my work review on thursday. Only given notice on Monday morning...! It is unbelievable... It is done though. 30 pages in total, after intense rushing on Monday and Tuesday...! I slept at 11plus on both nights to rush it through.

On Tuesday, I had to conduct NAPFA tests. It was too long and draggy. I had to man one NAPFA station alone, having no breaks from 330pm till 7pm. I lost count of time also. After finishing the NAPFA test, went back to office to finish up my work... Of compiling those who did not turn up for NAPFA test. Then also had to prepare to key in results for my class for all the subjects. Left office at 830pm. Madness? Well, normal...! Yet to key in my class' test and exam results and deadline is today. No time to key in yet. Now in computer lab with my class. They are given work so I can blog for a while. At least I keyed in my remarks for my form class.

Thursday, still thinking whether got energy to visit cancer patient. Get through today 1st. Still need to conduct NAPFA test later. Saturday still have to do parents' briefing for my thailad trip. At least prepared the slides. Now have to wait for it to be vetted and do the neccessary changes. Life is crazy but God is good! Can't wait for this week to be over... At least got a short break...